Reviews for The Beyond
Unxious Custard chapter 1 . 7/31/2013
Hi, I know you said you have already edited and caught all the little niggling problems, but you can never edit them all out. I say that as someone who has come back to a story years later and found tons of errors. Every book published has one or more errors, even after millions of people have looked at them. The trouble is our eye slips so easily of what we actually are reading, and our brain adjusts to what we are reading. Although i think your writing is very good, here is another small thought for you. (But all of this adventuring wasn't only for her; it was for him to get a chance to find fossils and relics dating back to BC.) The trouble is you have been talking about Kyle, then suddenly we are back to Nate, without mentioning Nate by name. I got confused. That's OK, I get confused very easily. Just a small tip on this next sentence (After Maria muttered her apology she started to look around) Writing become a bit boring if we have to put a time reference to actions and started is such a dull word. It might read better like this. Maria muttered a quick apology, then turned her back to hide her flaming cheeks. The whole landscape in front of her was boring, (empty, peaceful...? )filled with nothing but... I like your characters, and your basic plot idea for this story. The Shaman really added some great interest - being an unusual individual to find in a fantasy. Great story so far, I'll keep reading it. I hope you will review my story, Psychics v Terrorists too, which is a modern fantasy set in England. Good luck with the writing.
SupaSaiyanGamer chapter 12 . 7/20/2013
And now all that's left is to wait for the next chapter
SupaSaiyanGamer chapter 11 . 7/20/2013
The ending O_O Oh god why? I'm pretty curious now
Lynn K. Hollander chapter 1 . 7/6/2013
This is going to be a review about the technique/skills part of writing. I don't comment on the plot, except for internal inconsistencies; or the characters, except when they deviate from established back story. All that is up to the author.
You need more commas. Commas around interjections, like direct address: Okay(COMMA) Maria; Honey(COMMA), when are we going to be at this village - and so forth. Sometimes you put them in and sometimes you don't, so it seems to be a proofreading error.
You need to trust your spellchecker less: It will not help you pick the right word, it will only ensure that the wrong word is spelled correctly. 'Far off in the African planes the village sat.' -Those planes fly. Plains, like the Great Plains, are flat country. Again, since you get it right further down, it seems as if it is a proofreading error.
The POV wanders around. It starts out with Maria, jumps to Nate, and sort of merges into universal omniscient author here: Nate now stood in front of the most powerful man in the tribe, Iglulik Angakok. -This is the author telling us who Nate is standing before. There is no way Nate or the girls could know that. This seems a little intrusive, as does this section: He was said to be one of the most powerful Shaman in the history not only of the small village, but also the surrounding ones. -who knows this? Only the author.
The Immortal One chapter 12 . 7/5/2013
Cant wait for 13. I will be waiting penitently.
The Immortal One chapter 11 . 7/5/2013
dat ending...dat ending...I need to read more!
The Immortal One chapter 10 . 7/5/2013
And thus Maria and Shardes meet..I was waiting for this XD
The Immortal One chapter 9 . 7/5/2013
That shapeshifting thing would be weird to see, but would be awesome to do.
The Immortal One chapter 8 . 7/5/2013
A cyclops? Why do I picture a huge version of the X-Man Cyclops? haha
The Immortal One chapter 7 . 7/5/2013
Its official...this is my go-to story from now on
The Immortal One chapter 6 . 7/5/2013
Dayum...just..dayum. this is getting tense.
The Immortal One chapter 5 . 7/5/2013
I am just flying through these chapters. They are all so attention grabbing!
The Immortal One chapter 4 . 7/5/2013
I just... .awesome!
The Immortal One chapter 3 . 7/5/2013
I think I'm getting hooked...
The Immortal One chapter 2 . 7/5/2013
That ending...why does it have to be a cliffhanger? Why?!
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