|Reviews for here comes the sun|
| l.m.standing chapter 1 . 1/25/2012
You have good command of the sound of your prose, sounds like it would sound good spoken aloud, is what I'm trying to say.
Also, good choice of words, and I like how you drop little bombshells and then don't explain them, as in "She never cries because there isn't enough of her to share."
I'm not normally a fan of dwelling on sensory details, but hey, that's my own preference, and I kind of liked it this time, dunno, either I'm slipping, or you do it differently than the people I don't like, but unfortunately I can't be any more helpful than that.
My criticism, I guess, is that this either needs to be turned into something a lot longer or a lot weirder in order to be original. The ART MAKES US ALIVE message is exactly what artists like to say, so it's definitely out there. I'm not saying I dispute it, but for some reason it doesn't seem "original"/novel to me. (Maybe from reading Ray Bradbury ;-) Can you elaborate on that message, or find some twist to it? What if sometimes art DOESN'T make us alive, but other times it does?
"Longer" vs. "weirder": if you make it longer, the focus will shift to the characters more, probably, and if you make it "weirder", the focus will shift to the ideas. Your choice (or of course you could just leave this story behind and write something else.)
Hope this helps, and if there's anything else you've written that you want me to read, let me know!
| iwillbealwaysadreamer chapter 1 . 1/17/2012
Wow. This is brilliant. Brilliant's a good word. I'll remember that for when the little kids are proudly showing me their artwork at Rainbows, cos otherwise my vocabulary consists of "lovely" "good" and "awesome". Fantastic. That's another good word. Excellant. Great. Notice how all these words also happen to describe this story? Intriguing, interesting... I don't think the Rainbows would feel particularly complimented by me saying that, though, do you? But never mind the Rainbows - is this a nicely mysterious one-shot or is there more? I like Anya. She seems cool. Cool. The Rainbows would appreciate cool. I should write these down somewhere else, shouldn't I? Anyway. :) I don't get, though, how you said about Anya not being able to make herself understood very well, at least in any language the character knows. But then I guess that doesn't mean she can't speak the same language, does it? I just realised that. Hmm. That makes this even more interesting. I likes. This image of the future is cool as well - I mean, I wouldn't particularly like to live there, from the sounds of it, but it sounds cool. :)