|Reviews for Sanitarium|
| The Autumn Queen chapter 1 . 7/15/2012
Your first paragraph, while containing quite interesting information, does talk about two different points and thus should be seperated into two paragraphs as opposed to a single block of text. I'd put a page-break before [I lived in the Darkhurst Manor] - it's a separate point to the experience and truthfully something most people won't want to see as strictly part of the "opening". If the jumping of ideas is meant to represent the state of mind of "rambling" - as I assume it is - I would still recommend splitting several of those paragraphs. The blocks represent a higher level of organisation, and rambles typically don't possess that.
On the other hand, I rather like the account. How the thoughts jump from one thing to another: religion to meds for example. There's a sense of eloquency amidst random thoughts, and it draws out the mind of questionable sanity as something beautiful. It reminds me of one of those psychological movies.
[Some were in for stupid little things. Chronic depression] - I think that should be a colon.
["Hey, it's the Sock Gremlin survivor." They'd whisper as I moved past.] - lowe case "they'd"
[My world ended, not with a bang, but with a thump.] - ironic ending. Really flattening the cliche of going out with a bang instead of a whimper.
Ohana from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
| Dark Blue Lover chapter 1 . 1/26/2012
Interesting concept, defying convention, some (too) true ideas and your writing style - I just seriously found myself asking the computer screen for the next chapter to find out there is no next chapter yet. Guess I'm a tad weird too
Anyway! Love this sentence: "Everyone's so conditioned to the way things are supposed to be, no one can even wrap their brains around it when something unexplainable happens." So damned true, dude.
"Half of the employees only go there to boost their already inflated egos, I swear." There we've got the reason why I hate false sympathy.
"My world ended, not with a bang, but with a thump." Yay for defying convention :D (... On an unrelated side note, is it scary that old neighbour lady in the flat above mine tends to knock on the floor with her broom at nights? O.O)
Some really true ideas about craziness and medication. The pharma industry should do some research on their products instead of making innocent people their lab rats, jeez.
Btw, how can you fake chronic depression? IMO that'd be a bit difficult to do. But that's the only criticism, so don't mind me.
Keep writing! This is definitely an interesting concept, and I'd love to read more :)
| IThinkILikeToWalk chapter 1 . 1/21/2012
Wow, I quite like this, and that's saying something, because I tend to not like this sort of story, but anyway, moving on from that, I liked this, because it draws you in, and makes you want to keep reading for as long as you can, so, I can't wait for the next chapter!