Aww...

...holy ****! Um so glad I'm not them.

Is Mei going to wake up?

Great chapter! I'm glad that the paragraphs are shorter.

It just keeps getting better and better. I can actually relate to the characters, which is not something easy for me to do normally. From me, that's meant as a compliment. Great job, keep it up,

Alex dark

This is really good. Very hot I might add. If this isn't finished I encourage you to keep writing. I didn't review till now 'cause I couldn't stop reading.

Alex dark

MY YOMADA

I am Yours. You Own my soul, my Heart. You've brought Joy into my life, and are Inside my very being.

- It spells YOHJI. Whose that? Was he in the original?

This paragraph is repeated:

"Oh? Really Yomada? Right now? Hmm… I wonder, which one? Maybe… the first one?" He ran his hand down Yomada's shoulder, across his chest, over those beautiful abs, and slid his fingers behind the waistband of Yomada's drawstring pants to lightly tease the head of his very full, very swollen, very sensitive cock. Which was pointing straight up a t full attention, eager for Ran's touch.

The friendly rivalry of Yomada's and Jails Giants vs. Schulton's and Will's Jets put aside for mutual mourning as those Jets were demolished by the universally hated Cowboys…. Dale being the only happy football fan that day as his beloved Colts won the day.

- Do you mean Mason, instead of Jails?

In paragraph 6 or 7, you out Schuldig instead on Schulton (?).

I really want to kill Tomio.

Why didn't he tell her about Yomada or that he was gay?

They tend to say each others name a lot...they also tend to get...uh...sexual a lot.

I'm not into sex scenes, so I skim over those.

I thought that they were taking things slow? ah well, caught in the moment.

Mistake: There's no Mamaru in this. You meant Colson?

But, this weekend, he had nowhere else to be. Forbidden had this weekend off, next weekend was Halloween and they were booked solid Thursday through Sunday, but this weekend was open. They'd got back into town early this morning, Thursday, and had nothing else scheduled until next Thursday's party. Ran had returned from Mamaru's short tour and as far as Yomada knew, wasn't scheduled out again any time soon.

They have a stalker? Paparazzi?...Tomio?

I'm glad Tomio isn't my dad. I'd probably already hurt him.

I can't believe he fell in a ditch.

Was Kason listening in on their call or were they just loud?

Great chapter. It's getting very interesting.

This chapter was really long; I'm glad! How many words?

The names remind me of BLEACH, e.g. Tomio Hitsugaiya: Toshirō Hitsugaya.

Are they supposed to be Japanese? Like anime/manga? If so, for Yomada, his last name needs another letter after the 'ch', like 'Kuchiki'.

The paragraphs are long. I'm glad that they are not in bold, otherwise it would be an eyesore.

When you switch between characters talking or their thoughts, you could start a different paragraph. (If you look at some of the stories on here, the ones with really long (sometimes bold) paragraphs, usually don't have many reviews).

I think that the pace for what is happening is fast. Just by reading the first chapter, I've gotten their pasts (some?), their new relationship, and they already nearly broke up before even getting together.

Why do you use '...' for talking instead of "..."?

I really like this story so far. I hope you don't give up on writing it like many authors do.

From what I read it would be a great story.

I hope that you do not take offense to anything I said (wrote?).

...I've never written such a long review. Anyway, on to Chapter 2.