|Reviews for Flicker|
| SmashedIce.X chapter 17 . 5/16/2012
This is really good, great work!
| The Autumn Queen chapter 15 . 5/15/2012
Interesting poem. I particularly like the way you’ve personified something with a largely negative connotation like a shadow into a largely human form. The suitcase, making him sound like a regular traveller, the suit, the breaths etc. A deeper meaning of humanity there. And then the not so human things like the rotted smell (corpses come to mind) amongst other things. As for “dislikes” – I’m not sure if that’s the best word for it – in the third last stanza, you’ve capitalised Shadow after going with “the shadow” in lowercase, ie. an object as opposed to a Proper Noun. I don’t personally think the transition works very well, and I think it’s quite unnecessary. It’s not a matter of syntax (ie. getting rid of the extra syllable) after all. Your second last stanza…I think should end in either a comma or a colon depending on what country your from and which variation of the rule applies, considering the next line is the words you’re referring to in the line above. And you very last line…somewhat departs from the nice rhythm you built up. I think it works better if it was “in” instead of “inside.” And there was a couple fullstop vs. comma things, but apparently that varies in opinion.
And I'm so glad you've used that semicolon up the top correctly. :)
| NearlyPrescient chapter 16 . 4/14/2012
even if it's from something else, I think the third stanza still works. I love that the music box is central, and feels as though it's multiple things all at once
| NearlyPrescient chapter 14 . 4/14/2012
I really love "late night" especially. reminds me of an even more trimmed down ken norris
| NearlyPrescient chapter 15 . 4/14/2012
a bit surreal, but really pleasantly so. a dark but tremendous vision
| Dr. Self Destruct chapter 2 . 4/3/2012
I love, love, love your opening line here. It reminds me of the line to a song, but I can't remember which one, and now it's driving me mad. But anyways, I think you really get across that feeling of the narrator tipping into insanity in this poem, especially with all the metaphors you use like the butter and bringing up the straightjacket, and then at the end when you bring up falling. I think my favorite stanza has to be the first one, because it really drew me in and I loved that comparison to a car, the warming up and the mention of eating the exhaust, haha. Very cool.
I can really relate to the narrator's feelings of changing and not growing. Or the mind being spread too thin. And I also like how she ponders being 'normal' and 'shallow' like so many people are, but then knowing she'll lose what makes her special.
Sometimes I really wonder if it's true when they say 'madness breeds creativity'. I really wish it wasn't, though, for obvious reasons.
Great poem, I really enjoyed it. :)
| SmashedIce.X chapter 15 . 3/23/2012
I like this, great work!
| nearly chapter 15 . 3/22/2012
I'm more interested in telling you this is a very classy piece than I am in logging in. True story.
| SmashedIce.X chapter 14 . 3/16/2012
I like this, great work! Never written a haiku before, but this format of making it like a longer poem made up of haikus is clever, I might try it! :)
| D.J Wu chapter 4 . 3/14/2012
Ok, I really liked this one.
You painted your scene extemely well, and I especially liked your opening stanza because it really set the mood of the entire poem really well.
Kind of tieing into this, your vocabulary choice was well done, and it really did serve your purposes well in painting the picture of the city. Like where you talked about the pitchy nighttime chills, that whole staza was great.
I also really enjoyed the second to last stanza. It fitted into the whole feel of the rest of the story, but it serves as a good contrast if that makes any sense.
Overall, this was a great poem, the only thing you might consider changing is to eliminate the date at the top, but that is a teeny tiny ascthetic thing that is probably just me.
| SmashedIce.X chapter 13 . 3/14/2012
I didn't even know revolving dining rooms existed, that sounds awesome!
Anyways, this is good! I immediately thought I eat the other way when I read the first two lines, the knife is always in my left hand, even though I'm right handed.
| SmashedIce.X chapter 12 . 3/12/2012
Oh, this is brilliant, the final line is like the finishing touch and it realy adds to the feel of the whole poem. The use of the summer imagery is really poignant, it was almost like I could literally see the scene unravelling before me.
Also, it's strange how at like 1:00 and beyond suddenly it's easier to write so don't worry, your poetry doesn't seem senseless (if you were worrying about that).
| a theoretic revolution chapter 10 . 3/5/2012
i really like what you've got going on here doll. i hate feeling like this, "yet she cannot live without them". keep it up, i hope to read more soon. :)
| SmashedIce.X chapter 11 . 3/5/2012
'You pull them out,
like apples on trees,
like berries in bushes
or hair, tangled in a brush.'
This part is my favourite, it's a clever poem despite me feeling a bit sick, I'm not very good with blood and guts as it were.
| SmashedIce.X chapter 10 . 3/4/2012
This is clever, it's like you're writing about not being able to write, if that makes sense. :)