|Reviews for Phoenicia: The Adventure Begins|
| Emmeline C. Thornbrooke chapter 14 . 7/19/2012
While I like the idea of four seperate stories, and no more than that, I don't think it would work UNLESS you plan to update each story simultaneusly . And in a timely manor. Otherwise I would keep as one story, which is what I would do.
| MeAreWinner chapter 14 . 7/19/2012
i like splitting the story four parts. its much simpler. The story right now is too confusing for me,..so i wanna read four different ones...if you can handle it that is (harmony and revival sound interesting names :D )
| Braille chapter 13 . 7/18/2012
I like how you captured Aidan's character. Very nice indeed, spot on. Nyeh Nyeh Nyeh you should seperate you know I already told you you should do so. I did really like this chapter, though. Jacqueline reminded me of Todd Allison lol. Anyways sorry I'd be more professional acting if I wasn't so caffeinated. Seriously though, really good writing.
| InkedGirl chapter 14 . 7/18/2012
I like the idea of separating them. It'll be much easier to read and to follow. And I definitely would not want this story to be taken down :D
| Melanie Brutalie chapter 11 . 7/5/2012
Okay...I personally don't care what writing style you use cause they're all good. Keep going! I can't wait to see what you have coming up next.
P.S. Do plot twists and character descriptions. It would spice things up a bit. ;)
| Simbeswore chapter 11 . 7/5/2012
Wow! It was good. I got completely immersed in the chapter. Everything, every action was written so beautifully and made me very curious. I think I may know a little about what is going to happen or maybe I'm guessing what may happen. My mind is already running with the possible outcomes.
All in all I was really happy to see the plot seeping into the story. Now things are going to get more interesting. Can't wait for the twists and turns, the sinister plots, the political conflicts and the action sequences.
Hmm...there were some mistakes and errors here and there but I'm sure you'll edit it eventually. And man this update was killing me. I erupted with joy on seeing that you had posted another chapter after that author's note that made me happy and then broke my heart because it was afterall an author's note and not a part of the story :0 ;P
And might I suggest that you take down chapters that are not needed in the story because they act as 'breaks' in the flow of reading. I mean like chapter 2, 3(maybe), 9 and even ch 5 and 8. You can post the important stuff of these chapters on your profile (especially ch 5,8)
I liked Evander here though he appeared for a small amount of time. The rest of the characters seem very interesting - all of them with their own backgrounds and struggles.
So, I guess thats it. Quite a long review, huh?
Anyway have a very nice day! Enjoy yourself! Happy writing! :D :)
P.S. I WILL be WAITING for an update tomorrow be it a character introduction or the revised map :) No pressures though :P
| InfatuatedCritic chapter 11 . 7/5/2012
Great chapter! I loved how you introduced Iris. You've got her spot-on so far. Can't wait for the next chapter!
| InkedGirl chapter 11 . 7/5/2012
Loved it! So much mystery and action...it was worth the wait.
| Anonymous chapter 10 . 6/23/2012
Why does that scene where Solaine takes her shoes off to run remind me so much of Toph? (If you don't get the reference, it's from Avatar: The Last Airbender)
Overall, a great story, but I'm not a huge fan of the language used in some parts; it looks a bit like Latin, but I don't think it is. I don't know... It just kind of grates with me for some reason.
| Bookiie chapter 10 . 6/23/2012
Wow. I'm already intrigued by this story, and it's only a few chapters in. The different countries are coming to life, and you paint an amazing image of what life for each character is like.
| Melanie Brutalie chapter 10 . 6/22/2012
So...I like this chapter! You did good. Yes there were some mistakes but that's okay. Can't wait for the next one!
| Simbeswore chapter 10 . 6/22/2012
Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! I don't know what to say. This chapter was amazing! The plot, character and descriptions were in perfect sync. The very last lines of the chapter were beautiful. I was, like always, fascintated by how good you write.
You potrayed Solaine exactly like she's supposed to be especially the part where she is scared but tries to be brave for the one she loves. Also she always tries to 'fix' herself to make others like her was so true and fit her personality. All I can say is that you got her completely right.
Her panther's name is Lily but he is a male. That was unusually pleasant. I thought it was nice.
You were right. The idea of her weapon was great. And now her fate is set into motion - loud and clear. I'm so excited to read more that I've got a goofy grin on my face right now :) You should know that you have made me really happy today. Thank you :)
And right now I'm sort of bubbling with anger because not many people are reviewing your story. Atleast those who have sent in a character must leave a review on all the chapters and not just the one's that include their character. Whatever happend to supporting and appreciating the story and the author. Huh! :c (I know I'm such a hothead. I'll go cool my mind now :D)
Update soon. Please?
Have a nice day! Bye!
| Simbeswore chapter 8 . 6/21/2012
Yeah, I'm too lazy to log in right now. So about the map. I think you should paste the link on your profile rather than putting it in a chapter. I don't think fictionpress will cause any troubles then :)
Okay, Bye now! (I'm off to sleep :P)
| Simbeswore chapter 9 . 6/21/2012
Awesome! The map was really cool and cute(if that word can be used to describe a map). I really appreciate your efforts.
And you STILL require characters? You can ask for my help you know. I don't bite :P . Also I would love to beat your sister in character submissions :D :)
Okay, I have a question. Just for the record, were we allowed to send in magical creatures as our OC's? You know like elves or dwarves or werewolves. Because I remember that you mentioned somewhere in your character sheet that weapons were opt. for magical creatures.
Hmm...well you haven't really introduced all the characters of the first group and I guess you're planning to start posting the plotline of the first group. But I'm afraid we won't be aware of the characters of group 1 unless you are planning to introduce them in the story itself without giving them an introductory chapter. That would be really nice :)
| InkedGirl chapter 9 . 6/20/2012
Love the map!
But if you want to make one on your computer, I'd suggest using GIMP, which is a free program similar to Photoshop, but completely free. You can use some map brushes off of Deviant Art with it along with map textures.
That's what I did in making my map for my story. GIMP works really well and isn't too difficult to use.
Hope that helps!