Reviews for The McCallisters: Sarai at Dinner: December 2008
Vivace.Assai chapter 1 . 3/24/2012
What a fun story. I really loved how the brothers' characters shined in this story. They were actually introduced quite well in this story, though due to their largeness, it was hard to keep up for the first half of the story until close to the end.

I'll just note some of the issues I had first:

[A moment later, she called "Actually everything seems to be ready. Come in!"] There should be a comma after "called" making the phrase [she called, "Actually...]. Usually I wouldn't point this out, but I noticed that you do it sometimes in your story as a recurring error.

A problem I had was that I thought Sarai was the narrative focus (in other words, the narration was third person from her point of view). But then, halfway through, you mentioned Eagan reaching the room he shared with Calder. Then you have the argument, and then you switch back to Sarai with the family. The switching of scenes slightly put me off. Maybe, it would be better to just have the people in the kitchen hearing Eagan stomping up to his room and suddenly hearing the voices shouting instead of switching to Eagan and switching back.

I loved how all the characters reacted to the bottle rocket thing. Calder's coolness, Eagan's and Rearden's joy, Sarai's suspicion, Callum's questioning... All of the characters' personalities were consistent through their reactions. And their reactions also reflected their characters really well.

The arguments gave a new look into this household and showed the McCallister family isn't entirely perfect. However, the fun they had also showed how loving they are of one another. This story gave another good look into this family as a whole.

Overall, I really enjoyed this story. Thanks for the interesting read!

Signing off...