|Reviews for TITLE IN PROGRESS
| Gummi-Neko chapter 1 . 3/27/2012
The reason (as stated on the homepage) that the glossary is in the front is because it was asked for by our readers. Secondly, I wanted people to be aware of things, what things are, etc... To have something to refer back to. Thirdly, it's in the front because the story is not finished, when it is finished, I will put it in the back. This story has a GREAT deal of new races, plants, animals and other things involved. My partner and I are making an elaborate and extremely thought-out world... So if you're going to be like this past reviewer "Mr. Spunk" and complain about it... Then I am sorry... That is why it is here and I am sorry if you find it inconvenient, but with the extensive descriptions and things we are placing in here... It is necessary (and was ASKED for). Thank you.
| Xenah Becwitch chapter 4 . 3/9/2012
I am blown away by the developments in this chapter. The build up had me wanting to speed up and get to the moment. I can see this is going to be one mother of a journey. I love the Vulperians.
| ashrocks2008 chapter 4 . 3/8/2012
i LOVE this story and chapter 3 is the best so far. you have me hooked it is like a addiction i need my next fix. lol keep up the good work!
| Ekormekolindo chapter 3 . 3/4/2012
I really love the depth and development of the characters in this chapter. This particular chapter started out really well. It provided enough information for the passing time but not too much where it loses the reader. I also like the new characters. Very intriguing. Again, enough information to create an image of the character but vague enough it makes the reader want more.
My issues came with punctuation and format. I had a hard time reading most of Azure's dialogue with there being so many "..." in there. It is jarring when used in sentences and should be used sparingly. Using commas instead give a break in the sentence without the disconnection. Some may be entirely unnecessary. If he is stuttering, which is mostly the case, describe it as stuttering so the reader knows this. Also, try to avoid capitalizing an entire word. I know exactly how Baka Neko speaks and I can hear her clearly as if she were speaking it to me, however, it is not something that is commonly found in writing. Using descriptive words to emphasis the importance of said word is how it should be done and most, if not all, of the words were descriptive enough to know that the word is an important. Along those lines, I'd remove the (like a hoodie) from the text. I gathered that information just fine from the description right before. Keep it more formal by eliminating the side note or add that note to the glossary. :)
Basically, all I have on this one is cleaning up the formatting for a polished chapter. The story and characters rock!
Keep going! I can't wait for the next chapter!
| Xenah Becwitch chapter 2 . 3/3/2012
I enjoyed the descriptions of the characters. I can see Baka Neko's background in illustration and art. Help to give a real dimension to the characters. Darkspire is formidable and very manevloent and makes a great antagonist to Azure.
| Xenah Becwitch chapter 1 . 3/3/2012
Tragedy, deception insanity, magic and revenge ans this is only chapter one? What an opener. I could see this being like an anime/manga series if if was ever brought to the screen. I could almost see the characters as if I was watching a movie.
| Ekormekolindo chapter 1 . 2/5/2012
So far, it is a good story. The plot and story are quite addicting and I do enjoy it. I am not here to critique your characters or your storyline but I have a suggestion for the layout of your story.
The backstory to Lord Erebus feels too forced like it was slapped there out of the need for some explanation before you get to the story thus making it a bit boring. What I might suggest is starting with describing the country they live in then jumping into where Denk and Banji are walking and talking. You can leave enough info in their conversation to give the reader an idea as to what they are up to. Later, maybe when Sayer is at the house and "settling in", Sephria could tell him the backstory... Or something along those lines so it feels like it fits in more. I think the intrigue of not knowing what is going on till later would pull in the reader faster. Though, remember, I am not a writer myself so I may be wrong.
Other than that, it's good. Keep going!