This story seemed like and interesting idea but I think it progressed way yay to quickly sorry for the not so positive feedback just think Khione should have fought more?

haha, that was funny!i loved the little tiger, hope to see him some more!and ken,he seems on the young side,whereas his twin acts closer to jiros the way,what is jiros age?

the chapters are a bit short, but it is only the 2nd ch. so thats understandable. im loving the total opposite couple one black the other and light do go way back!i cant wait to read more! i guess im lucky to have just discovered you and your wonderful story, so i get to read it all in one go!thanks for writing it!

So basically you wrote this story to condone non-con?
I feel disgusted when I read comments about how people love this story and when I see how they completely disregard the fact that this kid was kidnapped, (fighting all the way) and molested (still saying stop) but they think it's what? Romantic? People are scary.

Radomly good story

Suki! Sugoi da! The fujoshi in me is freaking out so, so badly... Thank you for this!

Hey... awsome story. Loved it! But what about Shion n that crazy Jack guy ?

He'd probably like: WTH? I ONLY JUST FOUND OUT! WHAT oh shit.

So then he was raped?

Twins, Pa-lease let it twins sorry if I already said that.

Twins Pa-lease let it be twins

When he screamed "Get away from meee!" I sarted to giggle uncontrollably it was just so hilarious and funny that he met his mate like that.

Yep, lost it. Could not finish it, at all. I can edit if you want, but I won't be reading the rest (I stopped just after the first paragraph of this chapter). I just can't. Probably won't be able to read your other stories either, because I've lost my tolerance. Sorry.

Hey, I see you got a beta for the story. Although I am still seeing the same errors in both grammar and punctuation. It's awesome to have an editor, but maybe someone who can pick up on the more obvious mistakes as well as some of the more hidden ones would be more helpful to you. Still enjoying this story though. Each chapter, however, I'm finding it more and more difficult to bring myself to continue reading; I tend to turn my back on writers who haven't had their work successfully edited before they posted it. Usually I wouldn't make it to chapter 2 - you seem to have been lucky that I started reading in a good mood, so I am more open to the mistakes. Still, I am sure that there are others much like me who have turned away already, so if you want to boost your publicity you may want to get it edited - properly.

Loving this story so far. Just had to review now because of one problem I'm having... Punctuation is a little shady, but not too hard to read. My biggest issue - as always - is grammar. You are constantly using 'their' instead of 'there'.
When to use 'their': As you'd use 'his' or 'her'. It is a possessive, meaning 'It is their item.'
When to use 'there': As you'd use 'here'. It is a location, meaning 'He was standing over there.'
Just thought I'd let you know, sorry. I do love this story though. If you'd like, I could edit this for you. Just send me an email if you want me to, I'll edit and then reply with the fixed document. I'm more than happy to do an editing job, and I won't charge anything. And I promise that your email address will not be spammed or anything like that. You can make a new account for this purpose if you'd prefer.
If you do want me to edit, send me an email at (sammyhawk127 hotmail. com) - No spaces