|Reviews for Only Pair|
| ourjourneyofwords chapter 1 . 3/29/2013
This is an interesting poem. I've never thought about feet in this way before!
I think you need to work a bit on the flow of the second stanza. "bleeding on the streetside," could end with a period instead of a comma. "cigarette butts" doesn't end with a comma, but the other bad habits do; I think it would be better if it was consistent. Also, from "what momma don't know" to "and left" could be one stanza, and that would make the individual line "or so I'm told the story goes" more powerful. "that it was you who took off" doesn't need the 'that'; "when you're wearing shoes" might be better if you said 'your shoes'. The line "were it that I could shake you off" also throws me off; I think you could reword it to make it less awkward. Other than that, the flow is good. Also, I would like it if you added some more details about the person the narrator is talking about. The poem mentions another person briefly, but it would be nice to see more details about that person.
This poem is very unique; I've never heard of feet having secrets before, but it gave me a new perspective - which is, after all, the best thing a poem can do. Your description in the second and second last stanzas is amazing. The line "or so I'm told the story goes" is interesting as well. The narrator starts by talking about what his feet has seen, then he tells a story, ending it by saying that is what he has been told, not necessarily what he remembers. My favourite stanza is the last one. I think it adds power to the ending of the poem, a nice sort of parallel to the stanza before it.
Overall, I think this is a very well-written poem. :)
| Jingle Cat chapter 1 . 12/17/2012
I love the method and extent to which you go about elaborating on the tales feet have to tell. It's an innovative subject choice (I personally wouldn't think of feet, normally, as having too many secrets), but the way you tell it makes me think about it in new ways. The second line in the second stanza...and really everything in that stanza from there on out just makes me open my eyes and think about it; really fun.
I think my favorite section in the poem is that set of four stanzas starting with "what momma don't know..." I'm in love with how you formatted that. The parallel formatting of sorts, but getting shorter each time and the story told in each bit. It makes me envious, honestly; it's the sort of thing that makes me wish I could write poetry. Very lovely.
I will favorite this after Secret Santa is done so as not to reveal my identity now. :) Merry Christmas (season, or whatever holiday you celebrate)!
| DefineBeauty chapter 1 . 2/17/2012
I love the message/story here, that your feet/shoes hold all your secrets because they've been everywhere you've been and seen everything you've seen. it's a unique look at feet that i've never thought of before.
however, i didn't like how the flow of the piece changed in the middle, it gave it a completely different feel that kinda threw it off for a little bit for me. but it got its good flow back at the end ]