|Reviews for A War of the Heart|
| Lelawow chapter 1 . 5/19
I think you should take it down and edit it:
-The sentence structure is repetitive
-No use of sophisticated language
-You don't have to continuously restate character names to refer to them or their actions.
*Please don't think I'm trying to be hurtful I just think your story has a great plot but needs editing
| Kat chapter 25 . 6/22/2014
You are a fucking brilliant writer! (excuse the language but it's needed) Can't wait to read more! \D/
| jet chapter 25 . 4/28/2014
the only reason I read this was because of trent
| GraceSaader chapter 6 . 1/15/2014
Excruciatingly boring. The dialogue reads edgily- not fluidly like it would in reality. The plot line is going at a steady pace. However, the protagonist is a whiny little nit who I’m guessing you’re trying to portray as a strong willed female. It just reads as a B movie manuscript.
| GraceSaader chapter 1 . 1/15/2014
Seems unrealistic. even for a werewolf themed story
| OnyxBuddha chapter 12 . 1/1/2014
Muy bien! ;D
| OnyxBuddha chapter 8 . 1/1/2014
I LIKE! FAVORITED !
| OnyxBuddha chapter 1 . 12/31/2013
me at first: I'll read just one chapter then I'll stop.
me now: maybe just 1 or 2 more chapters.
| AdooreKhwab chapter 27 . 8/5/2013
CONGRATS! :D Please remind again so that I won't forget :p
| MaharaniMoony chapter 26 . 4/29/2013
I am in love with Raice, like no joke, he is like everthing I want in a guy... maybe not everything but I still am very much in love with him ;) I loved your story! And I'll definitely read the sequel :)
| i-kno-you-want-me chapter 26 . 4/20/2013
I'm not sure what to say actually... This story is truth, life... It was real, and I think this may actually be the first story I've read where not everything was a happy ending.. Jaiden's death, the Candy/Drew stuff, and Trent's betrayal make me want to hate you, but I really can't. Thank you.. And I will most definitely read The Mending f a Heart
| FR3AKSH0WV1CT1M chapter 25 . 4/15/2013
You made me cry in chapter 24 and 25. Because it was so good! Love it love it love it!
| Alaeryel chapter 26 . 4/14/2013
Ok I will be watching for the edited copy of this story-I LOVED IT and it IS DEFINITELY WORTH ANOTHER READ!
| Shadowsgirl9 chapter 15 . 4/6/2013
I really like this
you have a gift...you write really good I love it:)
| Infected Beliefs chapter 2 . 3/6/2013
[Damn she's fast for a human.] - Ok, a few lines up you say "It had been years since he smelled a female werewolf's unclaimed scent." Meaning, I can only assume, that Lucy is a werewolf. Having Trent think of her as human just seems contradictory.
[Trent knew she would get faster once she went through the change, but until then she should still be portraying human characteristics, not full werewolf speed. It was like part of her werewolf genes started to make themselves known sooner than they anticipated. It was a different case, but then again Trent had never been around a female werewolf who had yet to change. It could be different for them than for a male; he would have to ask Riven.] - That is a lot of thinking while he is supposed to be chasing Lucy. Maybe give us the info dump when we are not in the midst of an action sequence.
Unless she is a psychopath, which I don't get the impression she is, it seems out of character to have Lucy laughing in any capacity in this chapter. After she knees Trent, IMO a strangled sob of relief might be more fitting? Or a mindless yell as she struggles to get away from him. She has just been kidnapped, most people would be in a complete panic, not thinking about the way their captors face scrunched up after they kicked him and laughing about it.
[Trent whispered against Lucy's jaw, making her shiver in delight.] - The dude just kidnapped her! Why is she shivering in delight? She should be like, retching in horror or something. Fighting, screaming, something! I'm sorry but Lucy's character reactions do not seem real to me at all.
[Her breathing quickened as she fought to stay conscious. Everything was too much and she saw stars before she collapsed in Trent's arms and he shook his head.] - She has been through the whole ordeal of being kidnapped, attacked by her kidnapper, attacked by wolves, and now all of a sudden she faints because of some ugly guy?
In response to your AN, my favorite character is Riven, because I think he is the most level headed and consistent character to this point.
I'm not trying to be harsh or anything but I really think you need to work on your character's reactions and keeping them consistent. If Lucy is being kidnapped, let her be kidnapped and worry about her falling in love with Trent later. It will feel more natural for the reader. Same goes for Trent. He just met the girl tonight and has only kidnapped her so far. Not exactly a knight in shining armor. Let him DEVELOP feelings for her. That's my two cents anyway.
Good Luck to you and your writing,