|Reviews for Guardians|
| this wild abyss chapter 1 . 3/20/2012
In spite of this piece's brevity, I think you did a good job showing the bond between the two women. It was obvious that they were close in spite of their disagreements, definitely like real friends. I appreciated that touch of realism between them; it was a well-written relationship.
I was, however, a bit confused as to who was who. In the first paragraph you don't use either of their names; it was "she" over and over, which I found to be confusing. And then when you finally did get their names out, I still wasn't sure who was who; I'd definitely suggest a smoother introduction to your characters. I mean, I got their names down, but names are really not than important when it comes to character development. They're handy to have, sure.
I also really feel like this could use some more background information/exposition. I thought the idea of a relationship between dragon/tiger was interesting, but I didn't understand the significance from your narrative. I assumed they were partners of sorts, assigned to each other, but I still wasn't completely sure.
Gramatically, there was one thing that bugged me a bit. Titles/names/endearments are always separated from the rest of a sentence with a comma. So it'd be "You're awake early, June." as opposed to "You're awake early June." It isn't a huge deal, but when you have a piece like this that's based mostly on conversation, your dialogue can get a little less clear.
On that topic, I did very much like how you handled the content. A lot of times, a short story that's mostly dialogue gets a little messy and seems to go nowhere. I didn't get that impression from this piece.
Overall, I liked this ideas put forth here. You have an interesting premise and a good grasp on who your characters are, you just need to expand on it and help your readers understand what's going on in your head.