|Reviews for Monarch|
| Clone chapter 2 . 2/24/2012
I'm not much of a reader so for that reason alone, I won't judge your work, but this story was very interesting. To be hoenst I'm not sure what kind of criticism your looking for although I did find some obvious errors even I could see.
In a flurry of aluminous white light and a sudden jolt of motion, the reddened moon like the agony filled glance of a bloodied eye was torn from it's perch in those blackened heavens, and cast down and away. The stars, like startled birds fled from their spaces and took wing into oblivion, blinking away into darkness or blending into a streak across the dark skies. The device now clutched in the smaller's bloodied hand had activated the vessel the banquet hall was housed within. The great Monarch 3, despite her comparatively diminutive size, was a mighty craft of coy tendencies, quick and evasive. Her outer shell was oval shaped, yet pointed at her ship - "s"
face, the two view ports on either side of her front were like the gaping eyes of some space-bound beta, which peered into the vastness of the outer and upper heavens. Her wings were large and schooner–like, colored like air balloons that rippled like bed-sheets hung to dry in the wind, or rolling fields of wheat. Every movement of those vast sails adjusted her in minute increments, steering her through the icy vacuums' of space as delicately as a eurhythmy dancer. Now, even while hurtling toward chaos the ship hung suspended in liquid motion and eloquent beauty.
"Lieutenant." The stranger sounded rather surprise - "d"
, noticing the high ranking clothing Klemin bore, albeit torn and dirty. Klemin could play this perhaps to his advantage. "Affirmative." He spoke sternly. "Lower your weapon solider." He commanded, slipping into his authority like a familiar set of sheets. The stranger hesitated, his green eyes darting over the Lieutenant's expression. "That was an order." The Lieutenant stated, keeping his voice calm enough to seem in charge yet loud enough to be threatening, though the young solider seemed in no rush.
| O.O chapter 1 . 2/24/2012
| TheSpawnofSimbasliger chapter 1 . 2/24/2012
Now that i've read it more clearly I think its a great coming together of both worlds, in terms of your writings. There so much action and such a moving foprward of events but your stillt here breaking down every piece like a picture frame showing whats going on. I think this is probably your most distinctive trait as an author and I love how I can tell your writings from any other. Very good, i look action.
| Ziggs chapter 1 . 2/22/2012
The prologue to this, hopefully wonderful, story was quite a thrill. Well written sentences painted the world around it with ease. There were no spelling or grammar errors that I could see, if there's much I can spot in any case. Definitely looking forward to reading chapter 1 :D
| My JoJo- Buddy- Patch chapter 1 . 2/18/2012
I really like the opening because it is very suspenseful and it intrigues me to know what will happen, so I read on.
For the Prologue part I am confused how you transitioned to there. However, I have not read the book so that is probably why I am so confused. For the most part your writing is very fluid and your usage of punctuation is accurate. It is also very descriptive which is great for portraying imagery in ones' mind.
You barely had any awkward sentences which is really good. The only reason something was "awkward" was because I , personally, did not understand it. I truly enjoyed it, for it was very nicely written. You have talent my dear friend! For future notice- seeing how I am hoping you will continue to write these- make sure your transitions from one part to the next is smooth, which you seem to succeed at anyway.
I especially admire the ending part. I love the ending of any and all pieces of work because I view it as the most important part. The Ending definitely motivated an applause, so here is mine. "Clap, Clap, Clap"- Congratulations friend. :)
| Dreamwithoutfear chapter 1 . 2/17/2012
Hey, it's Dream from Wajas. Okay right off the back I want to say this is awesome, the story line is interesting and unique. Kudos on the spelling since you always say your awful at spelling on Wajas. I didn't notice any spelling errors but I didn't go over every word making sure it was correct since I was so enthralled by the story. The first line pulled me in because I wanted to see who was fighting and why they were fighting. The description was amazing, I could picture the scene. I look forward to more, and as I get to know the characters and form a connection with them, I am sure you will not disappoint. The characters already seem intriguing, they make me want to hear more and find out more of the Lieutenant's personality. Overall, great. I may have missed some things but this is my first review. :)