|Reviews for Gearworks|
| Cassadaga chapter 5 . 8/17/2012
Hey, I don't think i've reviewed yet, so I apologize for that. I really like the setting and story so far, but there were a few things I might change. The name 'Moriarty' is so widely known to be the nemesis of Sherlock Holmes, and since it's so distinct (not a name like "smith"), it's easy to notice. Because it's so distinct from a big literary character, I don't think it's wise to use it, you know what I mean? Especially when the character isn't evil like Moriarty is. ( but at the same time, if you had a villain named Moriarty,
that would be too cliche).
A couple times in this latest chapter you had Devlin say Clara was "a year or two younger" than him, then Clara says the same thing about him (but as "older"), so it was sort of redundant.
I feel like Katherine is a little basic. Obviously she's just been introduced, so it's early to make judgement, but I hope she gets more of a distinct character.
Also you "said" rather than "showed" when you said "If anything, they wanted to do everything in their power to get back at the men who made their lives hell" referring to how the pilots feel about the Officials. It would have been more effective, I think, if Katherine or Devlin directly said something like "The Officials have never showed us kindness, why should we do them a favour" (idk i just made that up). You know what i mean? There's a quote from Anton Chekhov: "Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass". But that's advice EVERY writer (me included!) should keep in mind.
And one final thing: being unconscious, battling a fever for a month seems a little much. Can someone battle a fever that long without suffering some sort of damage? And why would the pilots, who aren't very well off, tend to her for so long with the assumption that she would wake up? They are regular people, what did they owe her that they should be sharing resources to keep her alive, spending their time with her to feed her, and most of all, why would they harbor a criminal that long for no real reason other than curiosity?
I'm sorry this is so long, and I hope I didn't make you feel bad! This is a really great story, and I wrote my review like I would review a classmate's essay, or if you were going to publish it professionally, you know? Just little things that could be enhanced, I guess.
Wow this is long! I'm glad you've continued on. I'm really curious how this group will rise up. I hope there will be information on how this world was formed, and why it was, and that they will get to explore the other levels.
| RedNeutrino chapter 4 . 8/4/2012
I love your world building. The way you describe the cities floating in the sky and the social structure mirroring the many tiers of the city is fantastic. I also love how you develop Clara's own background and her feelings about the world she lives in.
I like how Clara's taking the initiative to arm herself and fight back. The fight itself was very intense and well described. The ending was certainly unexpected and I'm definitely keen to read more, to see how or if Clara survives at all.
| RedNeutrino chapter 3 . 8/4/2012
I finally caught up with this! Your descriptions are very vivid. Erikka's cruel personality comes across very strongly and the harsh and evil nature of the Officials is depicted very well. The danger and oppression of the kind of dystopia Clara lives is shown very clearly in your writing and makes the story compelling to read.
Onto the next chapter...
| DCHSFlutePlayer chapter 4 . 5/28/2012
Plot twist! lol Is it safe for me to assume you named Erikka after your sister Erica? xD love the story now that I finally read it. Keep it up Alexis!
| HidenoriET chapter 1 . 5/15/2012
Hello fellow author!
I love your setting in this story very, very much. the surroundings and situation of the character was so detailed that it brings the readers into the story! (Well, for me)
You have pulled off a really good story plot and I would love to see how will this expand in the later chapters!
Keep writing! :)
| TheBluestMonkey chapter 3 . 4/23/2012
Wow, this chapter is very heartfelt. I felt like the crying child the whole time. Great imagery and vocabulary! Please write more!(:
| Katherine5683 chapter 3 . 4/22/2012
Great chapter lexie, but try to get some sleep please. Love ya very much. Love the story too.
| RedNeutrino chapter 2 . 4/19/2012
Great follow up to chapter one. You have a very engaging writing style and the world you've created is very vivid. I can't wait to read more!
| Katherine5683 chapter 2 . 4/13/2012
I LOVED IT LEXIE! it's such a good story so far, can't wait to read more! Love ya - my slytherin heart.
| RedNeutrino chapter 1 . 4/6/2012
Oh, you write steampunk! This is brilliant! A great start - very descriptive and well written. I hope you continue with this.
| Katherine5683 chapter 1 . 2/21/2012
I love is a good start. I could just see a mini movie in my head ( my little inner mind theater). Love ya and love the story!