|Reviews for Reboot|
| Elyneri chapter 1 . 7/27/2012
I love the idea behind the story and think it's a good one. But the first chapter was hard for me to read. It didn't flow right and was a little confusing. How does he know right away it's his sixth birthday? Wouldn't the rifle be too heavy for a six year old to handle easily? Does he not look like a six year old for someone to be asking why he's not in JROTC (although I don't know what age you have to be join)? How did he know his father career path was different then it was in his first life? There seems to be no implications or signs that it was otherwise. Since it's being told through his point view at the time it happen and not afterwards, I feel there should be more confusion in the character and less acceptance. Then again it might be just part of the character personality or maybe as I continue to read I'll find he knew this would happen and that's why he wasn't shocked or confused and knew the date.
It feels like you also could combine some of these sentences to make larger paragraphs so it doesn't feel like I'm jumping around too much. It would make it easier to read as well. I also feel that's there too much use of ellipses and dashes and they lose their impact. I would remove most of them, put anything between dashes or asterisk in italics instead, easier to read. The ellipses I would replace with commas or remove completely. For his own thoughts, just like them in italics and remove the asterisk. The italics will tell you it's his own thoughts at the time plus the content. If you want to make it clearer, just add "I thought" to it. Also, instead of capitalizing words for emphasis, either put an exclamation point if it's suppose to be shouting or in italics for emphasis. If it's like that, it's like shouting in my brain, plus when a word is capitalize it usually means it's an abbreviation. If you do want it be like it's shouting then do something like, "I shouted, 'Hey!' at the guy running away." Looks better. There were also other minor grammar errors that can be easily fixed, but not a big deal to me or bugged me as much, we make them or miss them.
I really recommend going back rereading and revising this chapter. It'll draw in more readers if you did that. Another thing to think about when writing is looking back at some of your favorite fiction books and how the writers wrote their stories. I do that when I write or read a good book, it helps me learn more as what to do as a write.
Hope this review was helpful. I'll continue to read it to see how it goes!
| cnelsonqc chapter 24 . 7/27/2012
I enjoyed this a great deal. Actually got me to go back and read Ken Grimwood's "Replay".
| Shadowfox13 chapter 21 . 7/25/2012
Keep going :)
| Mem The Great chapter 21 . 7/25/2012
Please continue. This is an interesting take on what could've happened, probably one of the most original plotlines I've seen on this site. Just a few tips: when quoting something within dialogue, instead of the "" quotation marks, use the '' ones. Steven's family seemed to take his revelation a little too easily and can you please add a foreword explaining all the military terminology? I found myself getting quite confused.
| Ahaneon chapter 14 . 7/25/2012
You suck, but please keep polluting my bandwidth.
| cypress16 chapter 21 . 7/25/2012
I've been following this story and your others. We seem to have a similar interest in the genre, although I would say our approaches are very different. Different life experiences equate to writing different story and plot scenarios.
I enjoy the challenge you present with the technical and geo-political discussions that 'Steven' has with the supporting cast. Obviously, your viewpoint on the times, certainly thought provoking.
As I said in my first review, I still have a concern with the I-POD... In my story I left the 14 year old me with nothing, but his knowledge and memories trapped in estrogen charged girl body.
Please continue. I'm signed up for the ride...
| JayK87 chapter 20 . 7/22/2012
great story hope you continue writing
| realm chapter 20 . 7/16/2012
please continue, i yearn for more.
| Guest chapter 20 . 7/12/2012
I really enjoy your story and I have no idea why you have so few reviews. I mean a story THIS good and is twenty chapters long usually fetches quite a bit of feedback. You could try being a pain in the ass about it. It's o.k to since readers tend to be one when demanding an author to update so no reason a author can't be a pain when asking for reviews. Oh and don't pay attention to this if your o.k with sixteen not that that isn't good just I think you deserve much more.
| paulsub63 chapter 20 . 7/11/2012
Continue Please. I am enjoying this. (First day at FP)
| Mrsneroon chapter 1 . 7/11/2012
Continue pretty plz. Love it.
| cnelsonqc chapter 18 . 7/7/2012
Loving the story so far. Always nice to see a good time travel yarn.
| Ed Harley chapter 1 . 7/6/2012
Great title and description; the story starts off with a great hook. After he made the transition to the past there is something that bothered me.
The hero seems far too accepting and adaptable. Perhaps you could show more fear and confusion at least for the first day or so. A religious person might wonder if they are in heaven or hell. Another might think they’re in a coma or nightmare, or doubt his sanity.
I think if this happened to me it would be shaking in the corner time, not worrying about school time! Especially after seeing people who are supposed to be dead, shouldn’t he be absolutely terrified, maybe not even wanting them to touch him.
Btw- I liked the technical jargon and the showing off at school scene but I thought that he shouldn’t be like that on the first day.
| ashoutinthedark chapter 16 . 5/10/2012
Ok, so I just caught up with you after finding this yesterday. My first impression is that it is very well written nearly devoid of grammatical and spelling mistakes. Your story is well written, easily allowing people to see exactly what picture you are painting for us. The idea is one I have not seen written before, and very intriguing to follow. I can't wait to see more.
| readingronc chapter 16 . 5/9/2012
Like it. A 6 year old with an adult mind , from the future . Write fast , I signed up so I could say thanks!