|Reviews for Reboot|
| cnelsonqc chapter 24 . 7/27/2012
I enjoyed this a great deal. Actually got me to go back and read Ken Grimwood's "Replay".
| Shadowfox13 chapter 21 . 7/25/2012
Keep going :)
| Mem The Great chapter 21 . 7/25/2012
Please continue. This is an interesting take on what could've happened, probably one of the most original plotlines I've seen on this site. Just a few tips: when quoting something within dialogue, instead of the "" quotation marks, use the '' ones. Steven's family seemed to take his revelation a little too easily and can you please add a foreword explaining all the military terminology? I found myself getting quite confused.
| Ahaneon chapter 14 . 7/25/2012
You suck, but please keep polluting my bandwidth.
| cypress16 chapter 21 . 7/25/2012
I've been following this story and your others. We seem to have a similar interest in the genre, although I would say our approaches are very different. Different life experiences equate to writing different story and plot scenarios.
I enjoy the challenge you present with the technical and geo-political discussions that 'Steven' has with the supporting cast. Obviously, your viewpoint on the times, certainly thought provoking.
As I said in my first review, I still have a concern with the I-POD... In my story I left the 14 year old me with nothing, but his knowledge and memories trapped in estrogen charged girl body.
Please continue. I'm signed up for the ride...
| JayK87 chapter 20 . 7/22/2012
great story hope you continue writing
| realm chapter 20 . 7/16/2012
please continue, i yearn for more.
| Guest chapter 20 . 7/12/2012
I really enjoy your story and I have no idea why you have so few reviews. I mean a story THIS good and is twenty chapters long usually fetches quite a bit of feedback. You could try being a pain in the ass about it. It's o.k to since readers tend to be one when demanding an author to update so no reason a author can't be a pain when asking for reviews. Oh and don't pay attention to this if your o.k with sixteen not that that isn't good just I think you deserve much more.
| paulsub63 chapter 20 . 7/11/2012
Continue Please. I am enjoying this. (First day at FP)
| Mrsneroon chapter 1 . 7/11/2012
Continue pretty plz. Love it.
| cnelsonqc chapter 18 . 7/7/2012
Loving the story so far. Always nice to see a good time travel yarn.
| Ed Harley chapter 1 . 7/6/2012
Great title and description; the story starts off with a great hook. After he made the transition to the past there is something that bothered me.
The hero seems far too accepting and adaptable. Perhaps you could show more fear and confusion at least for the first day or so. A religious person might wonder if they are in heaven or hell. Another might think they’re in a coma or nightmare, or doubt his sanity.
I think if this happened to me it would be shaking in the corner time, not worrying about school time! Especially after seeing people who are supposed to be dead, shouldn’t he be absolutely terrified, maybe not even wanting them to touch him.
Btw- I liked the technical jargon and the showing off at school scene but I thought that he shouldn’t be like that on the first day.
| ashoutinthedark chapter 16 . 5/10/2012
Ok, so I just caught up with you after finding this yesterday. My first impression is that it is very well written nearly devoid of grammatical and spelling mistakes. Your story is well written, easily allowing people to see exactly what picture you are painting for us. The idea is one I have not seen written before, and very intriguing to follow. I can't wait to see more.
| readingronc chapter 16 . 5/9/2012
Like it. A 6 year old with an adult mind , from the future . Write fast , I signed up so I could say thanks!
| Persnickety Fox chapter 1 . 5/6/2012
I like the idea so far. That said, there were grammar issues in this chapter that made the story hard to read. It's not that I couldn't understand the content, it's just that the execution had consistent problems, especially with punctuation. The errors were so frequent they made it difficult for me to continue reading.
There's a lot of en dashes (the short ones) used in this chapter. Their use isn't exactly grammatically correct. When it comes to thought breaks, it's better to replace en dashes with the longer em dashes. Fictionpress does allow em dashes so if you ever plan to replace the chapters with revised ones, the new dashes will show up fine. If for some reason you can't use em dashes, you can also use two hyphens without spaces next to the words and those would work, too.
On the other hand, there are places where em dashes should not be used. Dashes are usually used to add drama, making the statement after the dash important. If there are too many dashes in a single sentence, they make the writing convoluted and hard to read, like here:
[Ever hear the expression – "My life passed before my eyes." – well – suddenly I had TWO lives in front of me – the life I had live – the one in which I had lived to the age of fifty-five, and another life- apparently this one – where things had gone somewhat differently, and apparently, I was having my sixth birthday…and it was 1963.]
There are some places where the dashes are better off removed and replaced with more appropriate punctuation, like this: Ever hear the expression, "my life passed before my eyes?" Well, suddenly I had two lives in front of me: the life I had, the one in which I had lived to the age of fifty-five, and another life-apparently this one-where things had gone somewhat differently. And apparently, I was having my sixth birthday... and it was 1963.
Breaking up the sentence with appropriate punctuation makes the statements easier to follow.
[*MOM?*] Fictionpress also allows italic font. Capitalizing words and keeping asterisks around words for emphasis makes the writing look a little unprofessional. It's better to avoid the asterisks completely, capitalize entire words sparingly, and just stick to italics for needed emphasis.
[…I Jumped up] The word "jumped" should not be capitalized. There are a few places where words are not supposed to be capitalized and a few places where they should be, like here: ["Uh, just a little dizzy, father."]
When calling someone by their family title, the title should be capitalized like a name. But the titles are not capitalized when not they are not treated as names. Case in point, "my father" is not "my Father." If Father is referred to as the father, your father, my father, his father, it's not capitalized.
There are also punctuation mistakes in the dialogue. Some things are done well, like starting a new paragraph each time a person speaks or not capitalizing a dialogue tag when it doesn't need it. But I see that the punctuation is inconsistent, especially inside the dialogue. I can't explain all of the rules in this one review but a Google search on dialogue grammar rules should help. There are lovely resource websites that have good explanations and examples.
I'm learning Japanese right now, and I'm sorry to mention this, but the spelling for a few Japanese words is off. Choto mate is "chotto matte," Okasan is "Okaasan," and Otosan is "Otousan." It's subtle, and I guess it's a little hard to distinguish if you go by ear, but it makes a difference when it's written out. ちょとまて著と待て、 ちょっとまってちょっと待って、 おかあさんお母さん、 おかさん犯さん おとうさんお父さん、おとさん音さん. See how the misspelling doesn't carry the same meaning? It's a minor nitpick, and I guess the people reading this who don't know Japanese might not notice at all, but accuracy is something to keep in mind. It might help to double-check romaji before posting. Just in case.
All in all, the grammar and spelling were the only off-putting things for me. Still, they were big issues: if I didn't like the premise so much, I would have stopped reading entirely and moved on to another story. I don't want to discourage you by admitting that; I just want to warn you to watch out for grammar rules. The readability of a story could make or break a first-time reader's decision to keep reading. With better execution, this chapter will read more smoothly and coherently. With some needed polishing, it will be an even stronger hook than it is now.
Speaking of which, I like the idea of a 55-year-old man with a bleak present going back to his childhood and showing off his experience. It's rather funny and I'm interested to see what happens next. Keep writing!