|Reviews for Alera, the Beloved: A Tale of Motir|
| SkullszEyes chapter 30 . 5/5/2013
Hey. I still read your story, and I'm surprised no one has reviewed it so much even when you typed out thirty chapters.
Oh wells. Anyways, I enjoyed reading this chapter because of how strong Alera presented herself, even coaxing her husband to ignore the overwhelming feelings that consumed his mind until they entered the bedroom.
Loved it. Hope you continue soon. :)
| Lynn K. Hollander chapter 2 . 3/10/2013
'an expensive venue.' -venue is defined as 'locality'. It doesn't seem quite appropriate/meaningful in this context.
symbol's of their conquests & the Pretenders' merc's & The middle son's of the Clan Lords Erratic plural/possessive confusion. symbols, mercs and middle sons(although 'younger sons' is less specific/more general: A family's second and third sons could be twins. A 'middle son' would be the first born twin, but not include the second twin, who would be the youngest son. Sometimes less specific is more useful to the writer). -The Pretenders'- is the plural possessive, as if there were two or more pretenders. This: Niall's were quiet, -I don't get at all. Niall's WHAT were quiet?
"you are out princess -typo.
"Why did you call this meeting your Highness?" Hawka the God of Beasts her peoples' patron, -omitted commas: "Why did you call this meeting(COMMA), your Highness?" Hawka the God of Beasts(COMMA), her peoples' patron,
She left then, leaving them to their protests for she had no more to say. A little awkward: She left them to their protests: the decision had been made and she had no more to say... . Or whatever. But 'leaving/left' is somewhat redundant.
| Journeyman-93 chapter 3 . 10/11/2012
A good story so far, I'm interested and this tale has potential. There a re a few typos so far, but nothing to major. Just so you know; you've put "defiantly" instead of "definitely".
Otherwise, this is good. I'll read some more soon.
| K.D. Wagner chapter 4 . 9/5/2012
Again, a few typos and misspellings, but I want to see more of the personality of the prince, which is certainly a good thing. My only suggestion would be the akwardness of some of the sentences. For example:
"...but when you want to stop your sire from destroying the world you love, there are a lot of emotions to deal with." This sentence, while nice isn't really needed and comes off redundant, especially the last part.
Perhaps: "Trying to stop his sire from destroying the world he loved left a weight settling on the prince's shoulders that many men would find hard to carry." Not the best sentence, but it's stating it a little bit better.
Again though, wonderful concept and I will continue reading.
| K.D. Wagner chapter 3 . 9/5/2012
A couple typos that could be cleaned up, but all in all another good chapter. Their world is an interesting place and the only complaint I have is that I want to know more about it! Definately will keep reading to find out.
| K.D. Wagner chapter 2 . 9/5/2012
This seems like an unique story and I like that the heroine isn't the typical "beautiful princess." She has scars and what seems like a story to tell.
| K.D. Wagner chapter 1 . 9/5/2012
Very good beginning. The writing sets the scene nicely and makes me want to read more. Interested to see where this goes.
| LadySomeur chapter 4 . 8/1/2012
Hey ! I'm having a good computer day so I came to read your story
I really admire how you built a complete fantasy universe and I see that we share some themes in our stories.
Anyway, your writing is quite skilful, I can really picture Prince Alister return.
| Lynn K. Hollander chapter 1 . 7/31/2012
I rarely say this, but this is a good prologue. As a story, it's neat and well presented. The writing is skilled. I have only a few vocabulary points:
'...a hand woven...' **handwoven, one word. And why the adjective? Are there MACHINE made rugs here? Also: homemade. Are there commercial breweries here?
'...Princess began raiding the wagon's that Prince Alister was sent to guard...' **began. 'Began' usually announces the start of a continuing action. Is this the first of many raids? If this is a single raid, try: raided. **wagon's. The possessive doesn't make sense here, so I guess it's just more than one wagon. Lose the apostrophe.
'Crowned' **CROWN Prince is an idiom usually reserved for the sovereign's heir. A Crowned Prince sounds like the sovereign prince of a principality. Which is he?
I think you could have gone directly into Chapter One here, after the Bard finishes speaking.
| SkullszEyes chapter 1 . 7/31/2012
Oh Cool! :D
Sounds interesting. Nice start!