Reviews for My Kingdom
FrostKnight chapter 1 . 3/4/2012
I love how abstract this poem is. Wonderfully detailed, and the imagary is fantastic. However, one line seems choppy. Not to be picky or tell you how to write, but I think you could have written line 5 better. Something like this:

Everdarkening clouds threaten me with an upcoming storm who's winds toss and turn in the sky.

I'm not telling you what to write, because this poem is great in itself.

Lovely job.
tolerate chapter 1 . 2/28/2012
Alright, so a review as promised. This is rather short, but straight to the point. I like the way you used metaphors, like the leaves whispering into your ear and telling you stories. I think it's quite original and new. At least I haven't heard of it, and it ain't cliched, that's a plus. Same to the first line, it's good. So, the third line: 'I look down and see the ground below me', I don't think 'see' is a suitable or good word for the line. I mean, it's simple, but maybe you could rephrase it like: 'My head tilted downwards and my eyes were on the ground'. But well, you can choose not to listen to me; it's your own poem, after all. I believe in the freedom of words in writing, so write what comes to your mind and you need not follow exactly. :)

Fourth line, 'I am the queen of my own kingdom' is quite good, but 'and I love it' doesn't go with it. It went out of tune and the rhyming was interrupted, in my head. It might be just be me though. I don't think 'and I love it' was necessary. Just 'I am the queen of my own kingdom' is enough, the impact is strong enough. There isn't much of a problem in the fifth line, but 'soon to come' sounds cliched, you might want to change it to something different? :)

And the rest are fine. I especially like the last two lines, and the last one, 'as long as it leads me back home in the end' is such a beautiful ending to the short poem you wrote. All in all, the poem was great, just need to edit a few words and you're good to go! I hope this review helps you in some ways. Keep up the good work, I'm sure you'll produce even better poems in the near future if you try hard!
SargentLooneyPencil chapter 1 . 2/28/2012
this is very nice... it's exactly how i feel at times.. D
katiebug12976 chapter 1 . 2/27/2012
This is a great poem! It's nicely worded and I can definitely relate to it, I can form my own pictures in my head. I love this, good work!