|Reviews for Her Final Breath|
| ChildCalledSilence chapter 1 . 1/24/2013
Well congratulations, you have managed make me like love poems. Nine times out of ten I can't stand them but it seems that you can do no wrong when it comes to poetry. If I could I would slap you.
This poem reminds me of this oldies song my mom used to play on the radio. I can't remember the title but the chorus is I think, "There goes my baby, The Lord took her away from me, She's gone to Heaven so I've got to be good, So I can see my baby when I leave this world." There is a slight chance I'm wrong about the first part.
This is beautifully written. It has this sort of slow pace to it that makes you feel every single heart-wrenching moment. I've just noticed your rhyme scheme which is also awesome. I can never write a poem that rhymes it feels to kid like when I write it. Yours however, is so mature and beautiful. You really do posses a great talent.
| J.M. Black chapter 1 . 2/29/2012
This poem was so catchy and flowed so well. So well written and tragic, I loved it!
| Jocelyn Hillcrest chapter 1 . 2/29/2012
Well, it did only take one look to know that this story was so well written that I could invision myself in the third person as the car crashed and the pain wracking his body, also the tears running down his face as his beloved friend took her last breath. I could easly feel the emotion spilling out of this poem, I think you could easily become a great author.(this was a friend of mine that read over my shoulder)
(this is me) I love this poem. I've said it before about other writings, but I think I'm going to rewire my standards. The story was well told and the form was kept throughout, while putting a lot of emotion into it via the word choice. If I had to change anything, it would be to make it a bit longer, I feel like more of an emotional connection to the characters could have
been made if we had a little more time. But overall, I don't think that anthing should change, it's pretty darn near perfect as it is.
One note from the Grammar-Nazi:
"Only one look it took to know to know"
'to know' is repeated, and it could work it there were a comma or period between them (to put a pause and make it a new statement) but I think it may just be a typo. Then again, Grammar-Nazi has been wrong before :)