HAH! This was clever and made me laugh. I liked the line about the sound people make when reading Twilight. Also, Justin Bieber. Super cute!

So this was really interesting! I enjoyed the MC's voice! It was different and flows well for the story. Two things about the zombies, would they all ready be grey? And I found it a little strange that she saw them as ITs already instead of her mom and sister. The ending was great :)

:D great story! This story really makes you laugh, thanks to the great characters you've created! Update soon!

that was funny

:)

I'm surprised the main character isn't more schocked by the events.

I think I read the first version of this a looooong time ago, it seems familiar. I seem to remember in the old one a line like "this can't be happening, no, not on my sweet 16!" and I thought that was like the most hilarious line ever.

Anyway, back to the present. This is a fun story. Kinda like a book version of Shawn of the Dead except better. It's hard to find something to compare it to because there isn't a whole lot of comedic zombie apocalypse fiction running around. Which makes this unique. And to me, uniqueness is the #1 thing a good story needs!

I like the irreverant tone of this and I'm looking forward to the chaos that's soon to ensue. I like the narrator's attitude but I also felt like I can't trust anything she says because she likes to say a bunch of stuff and then, in effect, "just kidding." I am curious whether every other character in this story is going to be insane too by virtue of being a character in the story, or if the narrator is crazy even by the this world's standards.

Ok that was my review for chapter one which FP didn't let me post because I was right, apparently I did review the old one xD So on to chapter 2 now

It looks like the narrator is actually exceptionally crazy because the other survivors she ran into, while crazy, just don't seem as crazy. I think it's promising that she's joining a group. The whole zombie survivor group dynamic has always been an interesting one. I'm expecting it to be like the walking dead except more laughs and pizza.

Some of the sentences could use some work. Like "Two others emerged from a house's door, the one I'd been using the yard as battle field just now." to something maybe like "Two emerged from the house in the yard I'd been using as a battlefield just now".

Props for the Dragonball Z reference. Good times, good times...

I think this sentence needs a little work "The Invasion started as pretty much every one did. I was a happy kid, merry with my socially dead life, thrilled at the day I had been waiting for since I remembered when my birthday was. February twenty-fifth, the day I'd finally learn how to drive. If I got a car, that is."

The justion beiber thing was prittly funny, got a giggle from me.

Roadhouse review return!
Well. I must say that after reading the beginning of the chapter, this ended in the completely opposite direction than I thought it would have. That said, hi, hi, again!
Alrighty, so I thought this one had a very nice blend of drama and humor mixed in with it. There were points that definitely made me smile and others that made me nod. Those were after I got to the end and realized that you brought things full circle from beginning to end. Nice job there. Sorry for how useless this review seems, my brain is a little fried at the moment, kind of like these Zombies. I have to say, another one of these tactics that I found interesting - and well employed! - was how you kept leading us in a different direction. My mind would go one way, then the other before I realized which plot you wanted to take us down to.
The only thing I would watch out for is your organization. Your style and presentation is fine, it's just that it feels a little confusing and a little muddled. I get the clear and overall picture, but I do think that after all these different directions, my brain is a little merrhh. However, like I said, I'm a little tired while doing this review, so feel free to ignore this part.

Good job with humor as always (and everything else too!) :))

Ohh I like the first sentence! A clincher, grabbed my attention, and so true! Haha, second sentence was hilarious.

Second paragraph was funny as all out, but first sentence didn't seem right. Maybe "what would you call the world..." Or "how would you describe a world" maybe. I dunno. :)

Haha yesh the twilight joke. Always a go to to get laughs. XD twilight sucks. Anyhoo, won't open THAT can of worms. And the Beebs also popping outta no where was great.

It might read "a body on the floor" instead of "at the floor."

Hahah, "it grggghed" . I like that dialogue action word.

"Were they stupid" instead of "weren't they stupid."

Hmmm, this was...funny! Great job! :)

Well now we know a little bit about the zombies, but hasn't it only been like a day? Just how can he formulate something like that from so little information? Duff was somewhat digging her own grave by suggesting a trial when everyone was against her.

But as before (I think I went a little far with my suggestions):

He nodded and we both ran away screaming and waving [out] arms and I could hear Butch screaming - [our] Although I think you should probably re write this part there's a few too many [and]s in there.

HOW DO YOU WANT ME TO RUN IF I LANDED ON MY GODDAMN BUTT![?] - [add at end]

WHY THE HELL DO WE BELIEVE THIS CLOWN![?] - [Same as above]

[Here] would we go now? - [Where]

I adore the way that you have this story narrated it just works wonders for all the humour it contains.

Anyway another quirky characters makes an appearance could this be duffs knight, I'm guessing not ha ha. I loved the closing lines very simple but it works. But what is a pizza transformer?

Finally a couple of minor errors that I noticed:

I only got [come] bruises and cuts - [some]

Anyway, I was sure it was already [the] next day - [add into sentence]

[The] bit his lip to keep himself - [He]

It's about time I picked this back up again. It's been a while so I started from the beginning just so I could recall my old laughs.

Anyway thoughts on the previous chapters:

Chapter 1

This is as funny as I remember it. Never diss the giant pencil. I really like protagonist who can
get their priorities straight from the word go, ha ha.

One minor error that I noticed in this chapter:
Yell bloody murder. Many wimpy teens and [and] boys that like their same gender do this. - [omit]

Chapter 2

Bribed with pizza, that's almost as cheap as me. Gotta love the tips. I'd laugh if it turned out later she is indeed related to the president. I wonder if this series will have even a single sane character, not that I would be bothered if it doesn't.

It went meoooowing all the [say] across the street - [way]

Now that I think [so], a gun would've been more helpful - [about it]

I had to think [up/of] a plan, and I [got out] these: - [add one of the two words to help make sense] [came up with]

I was way more scared [than] those three than the zombies. - [of]

Chapter 3

The acting like zombies gives me fond memories of shaun of the dead. The group has just become a noose around Duff's neck, I wonder if she'll abandon them soon. They lied about pizza, now that is truly criminal. I liked how they all thought that Duff was intelligent.

You [how] howta cook? - [know]

I was blanker [that] last year's math test. - [than]

That would mean that the city had no person [on] it anymore besides us, probably. - [in]

Chapter 4

Well I couldn't find any errors in this chapter. Well I'm glad that duff decided to stand up for herself, and she got made an official member for her trouble, whoever was the one who said going on strike accomplishes nothing well they were probably right. She should have washed her hands of them.

This chapter

Duff has her pencil, now victory is guaranteed. I want to see her go on a killing spree with her chainsaw. But first how will she survive her current dilemma. No DUFF Don't die! I'm also curious to find out what the cause of the fire was, although it was probably due to the stupidity of one of the trio.

I just don't know what to say. This was rather random. I can't say anymore due to the fact I don't know what happened.

LOVAH!

After reading chapter one awhile aback, I wasn't entirely sure if this was my 'cup of tea.' I'm not one for being biases, so I gave it another shot. Oho(tilde) I'm glad I did. Man, this chapter was much better than the first in terms of execution and madness. It was much clearer and funny. Man, I didn't know Duff last name was Obama. That cracked me up a lot. You did well Lovah. (Heart)

However, where there is good, bad must come. A little CC is nice with a grain of salt. Even though it was well executed in comparison to the first, there were some parts that still wasn't made clear enough. Like the scene where the guys came out of nowhere. I just don't know where Duff was, I thought she was in the park, but then I got lost. ._. A little more emphasis on execution could have been placed, but I understand you wrote this a long time ago, and also your writing has improved as I saw in the tourney. Great job lovah