Reviews for What's Killing Eric?
Epic Myth chapter 1 . 10/19/2013
So this is what started it all? Before Krystoph and before What's eating Eric Lynch, before Alexander the God Killer, and I must say, for it to be the first, it was an amusing read nonetheless. I am not sure if this is Eric's Lynch permanent way of narration or if this was just the first prototype, but if you were going for an erratic, cheesy, but fun feel, than you did the job pretty good here.

It's about time I started perusing the rest of your work, since there aren't any further chapters in AGK yet, I'll go around and review some other work. I had my eye on "Vore" since I've dibble-dabbled in that thing before... trust me, don't ask. But I decided it would be awesome to start reading up on the stories of your Angelic and Demonic world of horror.

Anyway, back on the story. I got a few chuckles from it, especially from the way it started, pretty unusual, not entirely important to the overall story, but it is an eye catcher. You always have a way with catching people's attentions and it certainly helps when reading a new story. I heard about that whole 3 second thing from somewhere, I think it should be general knowledge by now, but the idea of being functional, brain-wise, while bouncing around dizzying...

That was a great point.

Going down the rest of the story, I do like Eric's jovial narration. It's a little sporadic, moves from point A to point S to point J before going to point B... but that throws us behind his psyche and how his mind works. Yes, it is a little cliche, although it's well-done, I can't help but feel I have seen this before. Maybe its because when I first started writing, the most popular character among my troupe of novices were the crazy, weird kid with sporadic thoughts...

Only because... back then, pre-teens were sporadic and ADHD... can't focus on shit. I guess I get that feeling of nostalgia... although, much of that has been left behind for better characterization.

Still, this is the first time anyone seen Eric. I think once I delve into his actual story, you'll keep the characterization fresh and awesome. But it's a good start even if it's a old one.
the-lovely-anomaly chapter 1 . 6/15/2012
Definitely a dark comedy. Eric's uncompromising tone and sense of humor make this a genuinely funny story despite the disturbing events that take place. My favorite thing he says has got to be: "You probably assume this is the part where I go off on another tangent, telling you this time I was wondering how long it would take for the cops to gun me down if I went on a murderous rampage through the retail store where I work." LOL, who *wouldn't* want to go on a murderous rampage while working in retail? :P

I honestly cannot think of a single thing to criticize in this story (although I'm sure it has its flaws). I love the character, love the premise, love the writing... yeah. Great work.
Vivace.Assai chapter 1 . 6/3/2012
Upon hearing about your new story, I decided I had to immediately read the oneshot of it to get a feel of what Eric is like as a narrator. So this review has been stored in my computer for a long time waiting to get sent.

[They say the human brain can survive for three seconds after decapitation.] What an opening. The first paragraph just immediately sets the tone of the story – there’s a rather macabre sense of humor to everything. The subject being spoken of is grim. But when the narrator says “Full-blown,” there appears to be this amusement towards the fact… maybe even awe and admiration.

[She said, "Maybe we'll finally figure out why you're a total nutjob, Eric." And proceeded to pat me on the knee, laughing. / She's such a nice lady.] The humor here is really noticeable. I think it derives from Eric’s narrative voice. He has this rather comedic attitude to every event in his life, coupled with some sarcasm and ghastly curiosity. But what probably makes the situation more hilarious is the situational irony. You wouldn’t expect Eric to respond with “She’s such a nice lady” after she makes a comment like that but he does. There’s something painful about this humor here. I want to laugh but at the same time, I think, ‘ouch, it kind of hurts, how grim everything is.’

Okay… I must stop reading to mention Eric’s comment about the deer running into the road. At that moment when he says [It ended up being a deer, by the way], I immediately felt a grin on my face while also wincing at everything. Yep… the humor here is one of those painful types just because he somehow makes horrible situations funny. As a note: I feel so sorry for the deer, though. I keep thinking about Bambi’s mother whenever deer are put in a life-threatening situation for some reason… Maybe that’s how Bambi actually lost his mother? Not because of the hunters but because Eric hit her? Wait, Bambi’s mother is doe – this is a deer. Never mind.

Ah. But I do see how this story might fit with The Angel Kristoph universe. Clearly, demons also haunt this setting. The only difference is Eric is kind of useless and acts more like a crazed normal human being while Kristoph is kind of bloodthirsty and acts more like a crazed powerful, inhuman being. But enough with the comparisons, overall comments… I do find that you got this comedy horror genre down pretty well. I wasn’t completely horrified but that’s probably because there hasn’t because it’s really hard to create the suspense required for something completely horrific in such a short amount of time. It requires a lot more steady development, but I’m not a horror connoisseur… in fact, I avoid horror to protect my poor, frail heart. I’m just going off of what I hear from most people.

Overall, this was great though – I really never find anything negative to comment on about your stories. They are always so nicely written.

Thanks for the great read!

Signing off…
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 4/30/2012
I think you manage to balence the humour and horror quite well; mainly because Eric's voice carries the humour, while the events add to the horror - I think it works really well and personally, if you were thinking of expanding this, I'd love to see that. The narration, as always with your stuff, is handled really well, and gives a strong impression of the character. Nothing to critique here; overall, I really liked it.
Laoch chapter 1 . 4/1/2012
One of the best opening paragraphs I've read in a long time. A very long time. After reading it, there was no way I wouldn't continue. It's gory, a touch random and a hilarious opener (once you continue.) As for the ending, while a little anti-climatic given the hell-Bambi, it settles Eric as a character and finishes with a good closure.

Character-wise, I love Eric. Flat out, he's awesome. From the perspective you write, we can see clearly into his thoughts, which is what made him stand out. The insanity itself is just fun. The writing as a whole was almost like 'boom, straight and clear', with one tidbit after the other. It isn't over adjective-fyed, stuck somewhere in the middle between flowery and blank. It matches with the scene and plot you portray.

I enjoyed hell-Bambi in particular. The descriptions you took setting him up after the crash were great and concise, and turning it from cute to hellish was very well done. And hell-Bambi is just an awesome idea, creature, thing.

lazer
berley chapter 1 . 3/12/2012
The first paragraph reminded me of Chuck Palahniuk. It was morbid and full of random facts and disturbing thoughts in the type of style that he would pull off. It’s the first paragraph that instantly drew me in, even though the rest of the piece really has nothing to do with it haha. But anyways, great hook for the story.

Black comedy is a lot harder than people think (I wrote a black comedy script for one of my classes and the prof totes didn’t realize it was suppose to be funny. I got a shitty mark in it. Haha), but I think that you did a pretty decent job with this piece. Like normal, your narrator had a lot of personality. The side comments provided most of the comic relief and it was very true to your style of writing. The piece was jam packed with stuff going on, so now that I’ve read it I see what you were talking about before about being frustrated with the two thousand word limit. I felt you could have slimmed the piece down a bit to help with the word count, but I did really enjoy the entire thing. It was funny and brought me back into the world of demons and swearing that you do so well.

Good luck with the WCC!
Astronomia chapter 1 . 3/11/2012
I know I shouldn't, but I love black comedy. The first sentence was captivating, and I found myself thinking about what would happen if I was decapitated and what I would do (I would probably think about my mother whilst telling God to burn in hell). There's a good balance between description, narration, and dialogue. Too much of either, and I would have got distracted, but because you used the right amount for all of them, I carried on reading.

"Jesus Christ, it's the fucking Devil!" "Holy fuck! I killed Bambi!" "The Revenge of Bambi: Alive and Hoofin'!" I laughed way too much when I read these lines. His thoughts were amusing, and lightened the morbid themes of the story.

Although, I did think that the story moved along rather quickly. I didn't get lost, but it was slightly hard to follow. One second, Bambi's dead, the next he's alive, and then he's dead again. Additionally, when he was trying to kill Bambi, I kind of skimmed it a little bit, because it happened too fast. I was expecting a lot more blood and gore, which would have been interesting.

The ending was funny, though. I was very disappointed when it ended at that. I was hoping to read a little more about Eric. :D
Stephanie M. Moore chapter 1 . 3/9/2012
Talk about morbid humor. From the first sentence, it's there. But it's well-executed... the whole story has this crazy madness, thanks to Eric's perspective. He darts from these rational thoughts to these insane interjections- phrased bluntly and with tact. Very irreverent.

He's sarcastic and his life feels like this giant psychotic episode except for the small details that sort of ground the piece. It's a great back and forth feel.

"It ended up being a deer, by the way."

lol. Perfect. One of several moments where I actually laughed aloud.

This was so entertaining. The dry wit is fantastic. Interesting take on the prompt, too.

Good luck with the WCC!
Saeyre chapter 1 . 3/8/2012
I love the narration in this piece. His voice is glib and consistently funny, but not farcical. The descriptive language you use is anchored in the protagonist's POV and so clean and simple - I envy you for that! The paragraph where he's breathing on his windshield struck me as particularly apt; it's just how that action should be described.

Hmm, critique... It would have been good to get a word or two of hinted explanation slightly earlier about the "shit he sees on a daily basis" before the full-on exposition once he's got his gun pointed at the "deer." The lack of it creates just enough uncertainty that I didn't quite buy it at first when he started talking in earnest about shades and demons. ...Then again, that uncertainty is probably exactly what you're going for.

Oh, and: "trying to puke from a stomach no longer attached to your body." This image really grabbed my attention - and then I realized it doesn't make that much sense. After decapitation, the stomach should still be in the body; did you mean "a mouth no longer attached to your body/stomach?"

...Damn, I just want to read more about this guy, and his no-doubt-doomed flirtation with the well-endowed lady. :P Have you thought about adding another chapter or two after WCC is judged?
LiberryBooked chapter 1 . 3/8/2012
I liked this piece a lot. I loved the flow of it and I like that Eric seems totally bonkers. You drew me in with the first line and you captivated me the whole way through. I guess I just wish there was a little more to read or that there was more description and detail throughout the piece. But overall definitely a good job :).
Melanthios Calanthe chapter 1 . 3/8/2012
First I must mentions that this made me laugh, more than once. Even at the morbid things, but that’s my kind of humour.

Anyway, Eric seems very likeable, and quite real (aside from the fact he risked his life to save somebodies life); a rare thing to find in modern...literature.

I love your style and your writing has an obvious flow to it. There is nothing I can point out right now for concrit, it seems to be a very well put together.
Irish-Rosie chapter 1 . 3/8/2012
Wow, I liked the beginning, it was really caught my attention and gave me something to think about, I never knew the three second thing before, very interesting. The only problem I had with it was I wasn’t quite sure if the deer was real or not. But then again you could have very well written it that way on purpose. Great job!
TBK6212 chapter 1 . 3/7/2012
Funny story. Really a likable character, and one who seemed human. Instead of this totally macho everyman, it's a guy who mentions that he wonders what porn he'd like to watch and admits to thinking about messed up little musings in his head. Quite a character. One thing I didn't like is the ending. Even in the comedy genre, the saving a woman's life and getting laid ending seems overdone and like a bit of a cop out. Overall, an enjoyable work.
this wild abyss chapter 1 . 3/7/2012
I like the out there sort of tone Eric has. It really sets the scene for the rest of the piece, which is just as wacky and out-there.

I did think that the end was a sort of let down. It seemed to me like you negated everything that had happened, downplaying it, so to speak. And I'm not sure that was the best choice for this particular piece.
Dulcina chapter 1 . 3/7/2012
Hiya, newbie at RG here!

First off, it was indeed very humorous. Not the black humor kind but more of a 'delightfully crazy' kind. It was definitely an interesting read. I like the main character too. The crude humor suited him perfectly. Although something did peeve me a bit:

"... and held back another (manly) scream."

I get it, the first time you made the manly scream joke - it was hilarious. However, you had such a wonderful FLOW going on right after that I found it jarring, to say the least, when I read that sentence. It was as if I was harshly interrupted from reaching the climax (no innuendo intended)!

All in all, it was a great story. Keep it up! :)
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