|Reviews for The Golden Forest|
| Natari Mirumura chapter 1 . 5/17/2012
I truly liked this poem, but honestly feel it would make a great storg if you wanted it to be. Nicely done, keep it up .
| dreamface chapter 1 . 3/16/2012
I'm somewhat confused too, I actually copied and pasted onto a word doc to space it like a poem, spacing after every sentence like this:
Strong, heated gusts of pressurized air violently whacked against soft, yet tousled locks of golden color.
Gentle and bony appendages stabbed through the golden forest in an attempt to even out and untangle the grassy mess.
Numerous charcoal spikes joined together in the attempt, making the job easier to handle.
The forest, now clear of nests, endeavored to get a glimpse of yellow sunlight, as if trying to make itself deeper in coloration.
Yet all it managed to do was captivate and awe any orbs that dared to gaze in its presence, causing some of the twin orbs to respect it's striking beauty, while others envied it.
Bouncing and swiveling in the air with grace, it longed for the day a familiar stranger's caress was to envelope its five firm yet gentle members in playful tenderness.
The gentle stranger was pleasantly perplexed as to how the golden forest was always intriguingly smooth to the touch.
The owner of said wonder enjoyed concealing the mystery of such desirable features to the inner workings of the heart and mind.
The gentle stranger enjoyed the secret just as well.
This helped break down the format better for me. I liked the poem as a whole, the descriptions were really nice. The main advice would be to use less direct descriptions and adjectives, and use more metaphors. Actually, nothing wrong with your adjectives, they're what make your poem great, but being indirect to hint at things can have a great effect too, Main advice I want to give is to not just tell a story, cause this is kind of a strange in between. It's fully a poem, but it's also very much a story in some respects. I like the ending by the way.
| Dewi106 chapter 1 . 3/8/2012
Sounds more like a story if you ask me. I thought it was okay but not really out there You know?