|Reviews for War|
| Natari Mirumura chapter 1 . 5/12/2012
I LOVEEEEE this poem! But honestly, turth be told, it was more like a story. I think you should transform it into one. About three mistakes, but the description and passion was breathtaking! Outstanding, keep it up! .
| SwimmingThroughExistance chapter 1 . 5/1/2012
i liked this piece, the formatting was interesting to- it's inspired me to try writing a piece of 'prose-poetry'. keep writing:D
| Pinchen chapter 1 . 4/17/2012
This is beautifully written.
"I emerge unbreakable only to stumble each time."
I really loved that line. I grew up with my parents living divorced, so that was never really an issue for me, but I know a girl who lived through allt hat and it was horrible.
No kid should ever face that.
Well done (:
Best wishes, Pinchen
| Pzychotic chapter 1 . 4/1/2012
"I survive, only to fall again."
Yes, that's the truth about life. Again, amazing imagery. Love violent and angsty pieces!
| H0ld1ngH0p3 chapter 1 . 3/26/2012
When parents fight, it's not only the parents themselves that suffer; it's the children, too. Your "War" does an amazing job at emphasizing that point!
| TheGlycoprotein chapter 1 . 3/25/2012
That's really deep. The way you've described it mirrors the situation perfectly. I understand because my parents split when I was younger. I can still remember their arguments. This also sort of reminds me of Tracy Chapman's song "Behind the Wall". Ever heard it? You should give it a listen if not. Great piece :)
| kingofgoblins chapter 1 . 3/8/2012
Not a bad story, though I would recommend a slight bit of proof-reading before posting. I understand the excitement of having something, but a going over will improve the overall quality. I dig the metaphors to war and soldiers, and it works well in context to the kind of story you are writing. Secondly, I would attempt to break this up into possibly two paragraphs, for the sole and simple purpose of making it more pleasing to the eye, and being simpler to read. This is definitely a good start, and with some practice, you've got the potential to write great things. Keep writing. :)