|Reviews for The Dance Aftermath|
| Pickingupthepieces chapter 1 . 8/6/2012
This was awesome. I like the way you spun words, some of which were somewhat simple, to craft a web that makes me go, "Yes, this is what it feels like."
I really loved how you used 'wanna' to create a conflicting picture because the rest of the poem seems so serious but that word really signified how, for the narrator, this is a fond memory, despite the regret that it cannot be for eternity, and not some black-and-white scene with melancholy music playing in the background. It becomes more informal, more real.
It's also nice how you used 'grin' instead of 'smile', because in light of the whole informal thing, a grin seems more suitable- bolder and more mischievous.
'Bring it back, bring it back', time seems to be envy- this was my favourite line because time does seem to be envy. IKR! They say time heals but it does so in crooked ways, mending the cracks with jealousy and hatred. However, the punctuation in that line seems to be a bit off. I think I get what you mean but, perhaps, you should use a hyphen or a semicolon instead of a comma and an exclamation mark before the close-inverted quotation mark.
Or maybe it was intentional and I didn't get it. Could you explain?
All in all, though, this was freaking awesome. Keep writing.
| Beth Brooks chapter 1 . 5/25/2012
again i love your poetry! one little thing that kind of throws this one, just in my opinion is the use of "wanna" your poem has such a dignifyed feel, i realize you werer probably just keeping the flow of it moving, but maybe you could expand into a diffrent word or somthing next time, if that makes since. Again i totally love it and this is justmy two cents worth!