|Reviews for The Angel|
| muSU chapter 1 . 8/12/2012
Just read chapter 1 so far. I love your use of language here. Descriptions were vivid yet to the point. I liked the way you ended this chapter with discourse. And im looking forward to reading more.
| TinfoilKnight chapter 3 . 7/13/2012
Hello from the Review Marathon! Link in my profile.
"Every last employee looked like they were coated in oil, from the tops of their heads to the tips of their shoes." Eww! Gah! This is disgusting. But perfect. This line really adds to the suspense, I think.
I'm beginning to feel a little wary of Brent - he's just got so much of that special vibe hanging around him. :P I want to se him make a mistake or something, because right now he doesn't feel quite human to me.
I like all the information about the curse in this chapter. It cleared some things up, and it made me want to read more. I also love the physical descritions of the curse, they set a dark tone for the chapter that I enjoyed.
Short, late review, sorry. D: Update soon, happy writing!
| TinfoilKnight chapter 2 . 5/12/2012
Ha, I thought I updated slowly... But you actually have a life, so I forgive you. :)
The text isn't centered in the new review button. Is this bothering anybody else?
Anyway, nice job getting the information in about the magic system. It didn't come across as too infodump-y, and it didn't interfere with the characters' voices. It's hard to fit exposition into the dialogue, but you handled it well. The bit about the vibrations and the laws of hermeticism was interesting.
The dialogue was a little hard for me to follow - they kept asking vague questions that corresponded with earlier questions in their conversation. I think that's what was happening. It showed their awkward first time meeting, but... Here are the parts where I was confused:
"You get used to it after awhile. It wasn't so bad a few years ago, of course, but... There are parts of the city that are even worse. And you didn't answer my question." Just before she asked why he'd asked a particular question, is that what she wants him to answer? It makes sense, her question just doesn't seem significant enough for her to demand an answer, so I keep looking back over the scene to see if there's something I missed.
"Melissa was quiet for a moment, then she simply asked, 'So why are you?'" So why are you what? I reread the scene a couple times and still can't figure it out. :P
Might just be the time. I never write meaningful reviews this late, I should know better...
I was hoping to see some black magic, guess I'll have to wait. Interested to see what the evil blob thing is. And is Melissa a love interest? Y'know, most of the time when writers stick two characters of opposite genders in a car together, something happens... eh, that didn't make any sense, I think I'll put this review out of its misery and go to bed. Update soon!
| Raymond Lamar Gilstrap chapter 1 . 3/21/2012
Nice. This really needs more reviews. I love the opening descriptions setting the scene. I really felt like I had teleported to Detroit or something. I felt as though I was actually there wwhile reading this, watching everything unfold. I love how you described Tessa's eyes. In fact, I like the name Tessa anyways. This is great! I hope you add more to it. Thanks for reading Apathy!
| TinfoilKnight chapter 1 . 3/12/2012
Is it staying up this time? You posted it earlier, but it disappeared before I could review it. :)
I like the way you've set this up - you reveal everything so slowly, and it makes me eager to learn more. I can already tell there's a lot to this character, and I love it. Complicated characters are awesome. Is it wrong that I kinda want him to go evil and blow something up?
The only part that threw me off a little was in the beginning, when you switch from the description (very pretty, by the way) into the dialogue. You do have a transition when he looks at the sour old lady, but it still feels a bit abrupt. I really don't know how to improve that, though, and maybe I'm just not used to reading heavy description.
Hey, don't keep me waiting too long. :) Update soon!