|Reviews for Stealing Fate|
| The Autumn Queen chapter 1 . 4/10/2012
There's something almost...breathtaking about this. Presentlife. Yikes. Living for eternity, death...there's something beautifully circular about this whole concept. She's given away her life as a present, thus taking away her ability to move forward or die until that almost ironic ending. It almost makes you wonder where the line between life and death lies...certainly thought-provoking. That's good. The world needs more of these.
A few tidbits...
"But not, the reality of my present." - Do you need a comma there? It's a bit of a distracting pause. In the same paragraph, there are some syntax issues. "...like they we do?" "This was boy was one..."?
Same paragraph again: "...he had already bore." Either "he had already borne," or the more preferable "he already bore." Passive vs. active, though I've got that problem myself and REB has to remind me.
There are a few other syntax/grammar issues, and some spelling things that can be caught by a quick skim or read to oneself. Longer fics do tend to let those slip through, so the longer the chapter is, the less distracting it becomes...providing your style and content captivates the reader. Yours is somewhere in between. A tad distracting, but not wholly so. Easy enough to ignore, except for that first paragraph.
You certainly jump around a lot. A little too fast perhaps, though I wonder if that balances on one's reading speed. This might have worked a tad better in split segments rather than a continuous text though. Or maybe I just need to read it slower...I certainly have to read it again. Catch something knew every time I do.
Mind you, most of that was from the reread. The first time, I was too caught up with the images to think about anything else.