Reviews for Case of the Masked Phantom
topumasum chapter 2 . 6/26
sometimes your " sign comes up at the wrong time like at the end of a description and not dialogues which kind of confuses me. at the same time i cant tell whether its a first or third pov.
topumasum chapter 1 . 6/26
okay...i cant read the dialogues cause they are not separated from the paragraphs so...hurts my eyes a little and got lost in the middle. now the plot, i've only read the prologue and commenting already-i like the phantoms. it gives me a little detective/horror/paranormal/supernatural vibe and im looking forward to read more. the main character(not sure boy or a girl-i hope its a lady who smokes a lot and gives no crap) is likeable and at the same time annoying. flawed but judgemental and its real. thats why i like it and still annoying as heck. hope the review is okay.
sweetdeath chapter 1 . 11/7/2015
And repeat the whole thing again..to piss John. And continue the story..whatever he wants with John..give him a reason to fight that's real..not simple vision and fake torture..like the pregnant one or the winged " nurses"...? They we're good..but something to see and get him pissed.. I don't like it..but..children and woman being ripped and torture can have an effect.. people dying everywhere.. each day..like I said wash and repeat..not a loop in time..make it so it happens everyday in a different way. Everyone forgets..but John doesn't..there is so much to work for these 2 characters..

and btw.. I'm not a writer..I'm a reader.. and I loved your story. Its been a long time for it..2012.. I hope you decide to continue it..if you do I'll create an account and read to review it. I can also help you check it if you want..I'll gladly help. Honestly your story has sparked my interest to keep reading stories like yours.

Keep the awesome work and I hope to read from you again soon.. keep being awesome! _...
Continued from dark -jirachi..sorry the posting can't be long here..
dark-jirachi chapter 8 . 11/7/2015
And repeat the whole thing again..to piss John. And continue the story..whatever he wants with John..give him a reason to fight that's real..not simple vision and fake torture..like the pregnant one or the winged " nurses"...? They we're good..but something to see and get him pissed.. I don't like it..but..children and woman being ripped and torture can have an effect.. people dying everywhere.. each day..like I said wash and repeat..not a loop in time..make it so it happens everyday in a different way. Everyone forgets..but John doesn't..there is so much to work for these 2 characters..

and btw.. I'm not a writer..I'm a reader.. and I loved your story. Its been a long time for it..2012.. I hope you decide to continue it..if you do I'll create an account and read to review it. I can also help you check it if you want..I'll gladly help. Honestly your story has sparked my interest to keep reading stories like yours.

Keep the awesome work and I hope to read from you again soon.. keep being awesome! _
dark-jirachi chapter 8 . 11/7/2015
My hubby commented and ask me to read this story and review it..it's not what I'm used to..but I do love silent hill and horror games..so your story catches my interest. I have to say..I liked it a lot..it does need a little editing for some very minor mistakes at the beggining and some places..but it's not a great deal. The only thing I didn't like..was that Paige asked for death...and you simply killed her...isn't he looking fora way to torture his victim to a point of.. demencia..now that! Would have been a grade A for me as teacher for him..he could have.. I don't know..wait..heal her and do something even worst..rape..from one woman to another.. it's like seeing 2 planks crash.. sorry I don't see it..now if you had used that demon baby..transform it into something gruesome..that would have been torture. A pillow...hmmm...maybe suddenly lift her up..so she could see her insides fall to the ground while being hanged..that would have been a nice death..then at the moment of death..she wakes up all healed..somewhere.. ready for more torture..boy.. I could give you some ideas..he really is a freaking newbie... Now Crow...I like him..he's twisted and he revealed the truth at the end..that they exist. That was nice..if he wants to have some fun..give him incredible power..to stop time..erase the peoples memories of that day..except John..and then the next day..wash and repeat..make humanity suffer and have a big number of people be tortured and die..just to be brought back ..
Daniel Affaro chapter 8 . 5/20/2012
This chapter has just cemented my love for Crow. It was really interesting and the ideas were great. Once again rape finds its way in and the baby was just effed up. However, I did notice a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes in this one. I'd advice proof reading before uploading in the future.
Daniel Affaro chapter 5 . 5/19/2012
This chapter was really jumbled. I can tell from the way that it's written that it wasn't planned. It's like you had all these amazing ideas in your head that you just HAD to do and kinda splurged it all out in one go. The story is really interesting and I wanna see what the deal with Raven is (though Crow is my favourite so far). Good luck with it dude
Will chapter 2 . 5/9/2012
I like this a lot :) There were a few spelling and grammar mistakes sometimes but I think that can probably be explained by you being so excited writing it that you're typing excessively fast hahaha. I really like the sense of futility that seems to follow John around. It's like no matter what he does, he can't escape whats coming after him. I also like his connection with the cat. It's almost like an island of sanity that keeps him grounded.
seredemia chapter 4 . 4/10/2012
[He entered into the mansion. It was beautiful inside. He liked the place. Reminded him of somewhere he'd been before, but he wasn't sure where.]

- I think in here, you should describe what the mansion looks like so that we can see why it's beautiful.

I have a feeling that this mansion is probably infested with monsters and freaky people again... O_O

I also think what the phantoms do are more scarier. They don't kill you. They scare you so much that you want to my opinion, that's way worse :(

Great job with the thoughts in this chapter btw! I like how how he's asking a lot of questions in his head; anyone would be doing that if they were in his position too.

GAH. The female looks scary as hell! It's freak that she giggles like a kid too. Argh.

And now she's groping him.

SUIDHJSFJSF. OKAY. I LITERALLY READ ALL THAT WITH A GRIMACE ON MY FACE. AARGH. TALK ABOUT TORTURE. THE PHANTOMS ARE COMPLETE BITCHES LOL. LEAVE JOHN ALONE. SERIOUSLY.
seredemia chapter 3 . 4/10/2012
I felt sorry for John in this chapter, especially when he was thinking back to his childhood. Very nice job on his thought process there. It definitely made me sympathise with him more because of the situation he's in. It's also realistic because usually, when people are scared or sad, they think about better times like their childhood because that's the only time when you are safe (or you should be safe).

Dove is freaky. Gosh. So many bad things and scary things are happening to him. And I wonder why she looks like the girl he used to like? And who in the world is Raven? GAH. Everyone wants Raven! I have a feeling that Raven is some really awful ghost... I think. I don't know.

Wow. I wonder what John did to Megan/Dove. She seems really REALLY pissed off. That scene where John started crying was very sad. I feel really sorry for him because he doesn't even know what the hell is happening to him.

And gah. What does the raven want with him? The scene where everything was covered in blood in the house was very well written. Definitely freaky and quite horrific indeed. PRAISE BE TO THE PHANTOMS. Aargh, I really get freaked out when religion is added to horror stories. That's the thing that usually gets me scared xD

Great cliffhanger!

Anyway, the only thing I think that could be improved is that perhaps, you can add more emotion into the story. Especially when John was talking to Dove and they were attacking him. It looks like a really scary scene, but because of the lack of feelings mentioned on John's part, I felt that he looked a bit too calm. However, that's it really! I love all the gore and horror aspects of this story so far :D

(I'll review more in a couple of hours, I have to go out for a bit :3)
seredemia chapter 2 . 4/9/2012
Okay, now that my internet is working again, I'm going to review now~

I like how John was holding a meat cleaver when the door knocked. That definitely shows that he's paranoid now and that he's been through a lot. I wonder what it is that he actually went through because he looks terrified. :( I guess I'll find out later anyway _ (in case you didn't notice, i review as i read so yeah~)

Wow. Great job on the man practically shitting himself when John asked about the Raven. You did a tremendously good job on the speech of the man, and the way he was stuttering and screaming. It's almost like I can nearly hear him in my head - and no I'm not over exaggerating ;3

"Julie Kintobor. Female, died at the age of 22."

- I have a feeling that's the name of the girl that he spoke to in the prologue? IDK. Just a wild guess...

WOAH. WHAT THE SHIT. THE PHANTOM DUDE IS TRYING TO BURY HIM ALIVE. WHAT DOES THIS PHANTOM WANT. WHY CAN'T THEY ALL BE FRIENDS D;

I don't think the phantom's his brother. I think the phantom is just using that as an illusion because the phantom is mean like that D; And aah, so his brother died because he got shot by a bullet? Oh NOES D;

Wow. So, he woke up... But then there's this creepy message on his computer. Wow. Talk about creepy. That's awful :(

This is wonderful so far! I love horror stories! :D

Anyway, I'll try and review your other two chapters later. I'm just gonna go off for a bit to write my story. But I SHALL BE BAACK. :)
seredemia chapter 1 . 4/9/2012
Oh oh oh! Is this story written by John? Like he's writing it right now? I LOVE THE IDEA.

I definitely (I use the word definitely way too much) like this idea of him writing the story. Somehow, you can tell his emotions more clearly because it's coming straight from him. This is a great idea!

Again, I'll suggest the same thing that I did on the other story. Put the dialogue on different lines. It gets quite difficult to read because I lose my place :(

AAH. THE WOMAN WAS DEAD ALL ALONG. GASP. DID NOT EXPECT THAT.

Woah. What is happening here. There are some people with no faces trying to kill him. If I was him, I would have just fainted on the spot because that is some freaky shit. It's lucky that he knows taekwando though! It's good to see that a character can look after themselves :3

Wow. I didn't expect John to have been a criminal. This story certainly has a lot of surprises so far! I'm intrigued as to what the Phantom is going to do next. I do like the gorey details (hehe), and I can't wait to read more~
AquariusGirl230191 chapter 1 . 4/2/2012
Hi

Firstly, you have a good opening to your story but there are a few things you could change to make it even better.

Number one - you change tense from third to first - starting with "him " and "he" then go to "i" Stick to one tense or it becomes confusing for a reader :)

Also, lots of repeated words - ie. "he" or "commented"

If you switch it up a bit, it sounds better. Like instead of she commented, he commented, you could have "she remarked" then "he retorted" etc.

Anyway, other than that, good opening, well done.

Take Care

Vicky
witch22 chapter 1 . 3/30/2012
Interesting plot so far. I like how you put the writer's emotion in the story, rather unusual but making it different from others.

Haha...a girl with traits from all over the world, now that is a rare one.

congrats! you have managed to spook me successfully. Now I happens to have goosebumps.