Reviews for Do Not Disturb
Lolitroy chapter 1 . 7/8/2013
Hmm, hallo :) I'm returning your review.

So I found this story to have lots of raw potential, it's just not very, um, polished if you know what I mean. Confession stories are not precisely original, but it's the way it is performed that makes a story awesome.

The setting is nice despite having drunk people because... just because. And the character's situation is really relatable, which also scores points. So in terms of setting, characters and plot, you're okay, and I liked it, but there's this little thing I didn't really feel.

Emotion.

It's awesome to read stories where you suffer along with the character and smile when something happens to him/her because you feel part of the story. In this case, to be honest I didn't care when he got rejected. Because I didn't feel how much he liked her, if you get it. There's no definite name for this, but I think it's something along the lines of building suspense, or character... I don't know how to explain.

Anyway, I know it's hard to do so in a one-shot, but it's not impossible. I have, in fact, read 300-word stories where I love the character right away and even get a little sad when it ends, because the writing is so awesome.

And well, this is probably the longest thing I've even written, so I'll cut off. Jus remember what I told you, take it in consideration if you want, and bye :3
Nesasio chapter 1 . 7/19/2012
Ooh, neat way of generating a story idea. I wondered why that bit was italicized but it's neat to see what you did with the prompt. I have to say I wasn't surprised by her reaction to his confession, but I don't think I was supposed to be. I think you built up their relationship well enough to that point that it was kinda deliberate that she always cut him off before he could confess. Not in a bad way or anything, but realistically. Romance isn't really my genre so perhaps I'm just seeing this too much from the outside. But I liked the ending. It's nice that from a big disappointment like that he took a chance that might work out well.
lookingwest chapter 1 . 6/3/2012
That's a cool idea to get a story written-I think I might have to borrow that technique some time! When I was reading this piece I was afraid it might kind of have a sad ending, but I actually enjoyed the ending and I like that you twisted it to make it something that was more positive than negative after that rejection. While this was slice-of-life kind of too, I enjoyed the subject and I like how you handled the descriptions of the setting. The setting and the party set-up was well done and right-on. I found it relatable too, not only for the guy but also the girl. Having to reject someone and say just-as-a-friend is a hard thing to do and I think you made that apparent in the 1st girl's dialogue and actions too. I liked the little moments about smoking, that was cool, and the beginning before the dialogue starts going is very poetic, I really appreciated it! Overall a great little piece with a great ending!
Persnickety Fox chapter 1 . 4/21/2012
I'm partial to one-shots, and I love this. I love the ending.

I also love that the heroine(?) doesn't have to say much for me to get a feel of her. Instead, the hero told me what kind of person she was. I thought that was more efficient and clever because I don't have to be stuck sifting through dialogue to figure it out. The telling here also saves her characterization; the hero keeps her perfect in his mind and so her obliviousness is easier to bear than if it was dramatized (shown).

Good job!
OneOriginalThing chapter 1 . 4/8/2012
I love the way it's written, it gives the side of the story we are not always happy to see, the side that isn't the happily ever after, with the big happy ending, but the more realistic ending. I really did like the moral of how we find our own happy ending.
DutchAver chapter 1 . 3/23/2012
I very, very strongly identify with this story - I've been rejected more often than I like and every time, I've been having the exact same sentiments your main character has - complete with the 'wait, I was wrong, I really like you anyway'-feeling. Very well-written, I am very much impressed.

I discovered one mistake:

' he wouldremain silent' Don't think this needs further pointing out

This one is going in my favourites without a second thought :)
YasuRan chapter 1 . 3/15/2012
While the plot isn't anything new, I like how 'real' the characters felt. You have this knack for adding little details to your protagonists which make them more relatable, like they're people you'd run into any given day. The setting and dialogue are good examples of this; they aren't overwhelmingly cheesy or melodramatic but they are rather realistic. The rejection scene was one I could see playing out in real life.

I thought the closing line was pretty cool and tongue-in-cheek. It was a nice, hopeful note to finish on and it kinda makes me want to give the protagonist a friendly pat on the back for his trouble. Well done :)
LiberryBooked chapter 1 . 3/14/2012
Aww, this is cute :). I enjoyed it.
Laken8 chapter 1 . 3/14/2012
I like this, you should continue