Reviews for The Kuraiyo Kid
Lynn K. Hollander chapter 1 . 2/24/2013
Once the reader clicks on the story and arrives in Chapter One, she does not need more blurb. What you wrote on the browse page is enough. Start the story here, don't waste her time with more prologue.
Mitchie Writes chapter 2 . 2/24/2013
Adriannice protagonist. His personality definitely reminds me of a character I've been working on. Now, again with your fluency and pacing. I feel you're spending so much time describing fight scenes and not enough time on characterization. After all, the characters do drive the plot and not the other way around. As for the newer people, I would suggest taking time to introduce them gradually too. One of the things I like most of all about Adrian is he is a somewhat grey character but your soldiers just seem to be heartless assholes (pardon my language). Try to show at least some of them having remorse over killing people. If you ever intend on looking back and editing this story, I hope you will keep these things in mind. Keep writing and good luck, any questions just PM me.
Mitchie Writes chapter 1 . 2/24/2013
Interesting idea. I like the backstory behind this group of people. However, you need to slow down on your narrative. My motto while writing is show not tell things about your protagonist. You want to gradually show through actions what Adrian has done since his parents died and he's been on the run. Other than the fluency of this piece, I have no problems with your story. Concepts are interesting and somewhat refreshing, spelling and grammar in check and character distanced from fantasy stereotypes. I like this story and I hope my constructive criticism will help you in newer works.
Nyxeka Nick chapter 1 . 9/19/2012
This looks awesome. Prolly gonna read the whole thing once I'm done the next two on my list.