Reviews for Death
Whirlymerle chapter 4 . 6/14/2012
[And indistinguishable/In a sea of churning red…indistinguishable ash and smog] I like the repetition here.

Yeah- I forgot to mention, btw, that I'm the worst poem analyst ever. So take my previous criticisms with a grain of salt, but —I totally got the theme that war leads to death and nature leads to renewal. I like the imagery of the crawling larvae.

I'm curious, what inspired you to write a collection of poems about death?

Whirlymerle chapter 3 . 6/14/2012
[When the moon were closer] I know grammar is flexible with poetry, but this line reads awkwardly. "When the moons were closer" or "When the moon was closer" sounds better.

I like the imagery of the color contrast, with the red and yellow flowers and the gray dying things.

For the most part though, this poem left me a little confused. I wasn't sure whether the dying flowers were in the present or the past, or overall, whether the flowers mentioned were dead, fake, or fresh but dying.
Whirlymerle chapter 2 . 6/14/2012
I really love the metaphor of the little wax doll as a corpse!

[To smell the musk of heaven] I really liked this line as well! If you're describing a child's death, I feel like the diction of musk can be a little too sensual, but I think it also connotes with something warm and comforting, which I enjoy.

I like the ending, the imagery of the river sweeping away new ashes and allowing for new life. Thus is the cycle of life. :)
Whirlymerle chapter 1 . 6/14/2012
Returning your reviews for 6-9. (It took me awhile to find a workable link to your profile- darn FP glitches)

I like how the imagery of this poem has a desert theme to it with the vultures and rattlesnakes (at least, I think vultures are desert creatures). Likewise, the way you ended with the body being embalmed or burned, also fits, as it's something ancient civilizations in semi arid conditions would do.

[Or slowly, stealthy…as a rattlesnake] while I like the alliteration (or consonance- I don't know my literary elements) here, I had a bit of trouble with this line because you started off with the idea of death coming slowly, to contrast with the speedy death described in your previous stanza. However, the rest of your stanza, you're talking about death being stealthy and surprising, which has little to do with slow, thus diverging from your original idea, I think.

Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 10 . 6/13/2012
I love the wole dried rosebush thing.

Nice nature imagery! Keep writing.

Velvet Vixen chapter 10 . 6/13/2012
This was a very interesting poem, I had to read it a couple of times but I seemed to find more and more to think about the more I read it.

There was a lot of really nice imagery in this and I especially liked the lines 'Happy, content, without regret/ Rather than a honey web/ Of fibres made so stiff...' - so much conveyed in very little.

I also liked the way you weave negative and positive views of life together - though maybe this is my interpretation now - which makes it even more multi-layered with several meanings and adds to the feeling of it being a reflection of life.

This has become such a long review I've got a conclusion! ;) Overall, I think it's a very good poem with a lot of depth. Very nice. :)
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 9 . 6/12/2012
Heart dug out? Eurgh.

I luffles this very much. Gruesomeness! Yay!

Update soon!

Inkspilled chapter 8 . 6/9/2012
I liked this one for its short rhythm. It was minimal and simple, but still remained very abstract.

The subject matter is never mentioned, though, and I know it's titled death, but as it is the poem is very vague and could be used in any instance. Sometimes I get lost in abstract descriptions and lose the point of the poem.

One thing I noticed that bothered me was the metaphor in this line "And the pain ebbs/ With the flow of time". Not only is this a bit cliche, but you've already used "waves of time" in the first stanza, so it feels even more repetitive.

The other descriptions work well. I especially like "Translucent/With dark smog." because it creates an eerie image and it's not something I've heard before.
Redz chapter 9 . 6/8/2012
I really liked it, especially the last verses, "as the circle begins again / and another clause comes to an end." The idea of it being a cycle is very appealing and makes one think. I also liked "Into gentle rivers flow/while the sea rages ahead," it's very poetic.

I think you could cut back a bit on the "horrors of death," though. That whole paragraph puts images in my head which I think go against the general reflexive tone of the poem.
this wild abyss chapter 9 . 6/4/2012
I really liked the opening stanzas and how they felt like a list. It was fairly abrupt and had a staccato rhythm that I loved. That feel worked well with the topic, I thought. I also liked your imagery here. It's very vivid and varied and helps to create a very unique overall description.
Drops of Dew chapter 6 . 6/2/2012
I really do enjoy this poem for its simplicity and bluntness.

The first stanza itself concerns the meaning of life in such a plain yet effective manner by asking questions one after another. It's easy to understand the point trying to be made without any excessive details. A lot of meaning has been put into these short five lines - the simplicity of the question leaves much of the answers to the imagination.

The second stanza brings very vivid imagery to the mind, creating an ominous sense of knowing more than one probably should. There is much emotion incorporated into these lines, of which is seems to be bitter and apathetic.

[Is this just some game/Where some omnipresent controller/Puppets our strings] - This scene is by far the most intriguing in the poem, along with being the easiest to visualize. It reminds me of a song I've heard...

[And finally flop down dead/Like a little rag doll?]

- This is just so bluntly stated, it leaves a sense of horror in me. I love these lines a lot.

The third stanza is the most descriptive and gives me the impression of life being like a roleplay game. It seems to put the perspective of living into a more questionable matter.

Overall, wonderful.

- Murpy
DutchAver chapter 3 . 5/27/2012
I can tell you're spending a lot of time on the metric and the rhythm of the poems you write, because this one's really strong in both of those too. It has a certain ring to it, one that I really like.

And the content of the poem's pretty cool too. Very recognizable, as we all wonder about that from time to time - what happens when we die, and when will we?

Keep poet-ing :) I think I've returned all your reviews now, and if not, correct me :)
DutchAver chapter 2 . 5/27/2012
So sad... when this poem started, I wondered how this had anything to do with death, but when the poem went on, you answered that question nicely. It's about a child who was born dead, right? Poor, unlucky parents. I can almost feel the parents' sadness and frustration.

You're a good poet, you know that? A lot better than I am anyway - most poems I read here are better than mine. Keep poet-ing :)
DutchAver chapter 1 . 5/27/2012
A strong poem describing death - telling us that it can't be described. I like the metric of it, it fits the poem beautifully. Wonder what else you're going to write about death :)
XXXAdeleXXX chapter 4 . 5/19/2012
Wow, I previously read Chap 1 off death and I loved it but this is even better ! I loved the dark feel off the poem cus' it added the correct atmosphere to the use of the repetition of hammer, it really shows the brutality of death. However if I were to write this I would try to keep a continual stanza and chapter length.

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