|Reviews for Foresight|
| Say-theLastWord chapter 21 . 10/12/2012
Ha, I'm glad I found this story! It's reallly good because of the realism, like when Dan told them about Josh's power.
I really like the team dynamics and character personalities you have, but you could focus a bit more on Jared, Chris, Lizzie, and Lana. We don't know much about them yet. Great job!
| Guest chapter 21 . 9/5/2012
You got a review, happy!
| Max chapter 1 . 8/31/2012
Excellent so far. A rough description of Jared would be good - nothing specific, but would like to know what age I'm imagining here! But apart from that, he's selfish yet somehow likeable, and I already care what happens to him and I wanna read on to find out. There's an undertone of dark humour and contempt to him and the things he does as well, and I find that really funny and find it really adds to it. The incident with the drug is brilliant as well, hinting at what's to come without giving anything too specific away. Does exactly what the start of a book should better than a lot of pro writers!
| BenGladman chapter 13 . 8/8/2012
Matt, not going to pretend I've been following this story (as of yet) but I've read the first chapter and the other day just happened to think of a good ending!
Basically, towards the end Josh's parents get killed as a result of his actions, and then he wakes up the morning before his first dream. He has the dream again, but this time instead of avoiding the car he steps into it, saving his parents.
| TinfoilKnight chapter 12 . 7/13/2012
...Holy crap, is this really the end? I didn't die or pass out or anything.
Aww. I like the moral dilemma Alex is facing, it makes sense that he'd feel bad after killing his own father. With fire, no less. D: I feel bad for him.
I like Lana's little reality check here: "It's not her fault your parents let Caine's do the experiment, and for all you know, she might have worked there." About damn time somebody shut him up.
"...his comfortable chair, the light reflecting off the shiny name engraved on a plaque at the front of the desk: Drake Hoover." This is a nice description, it creates a good strong image.
Anyway, nice job! Thanks for providing me with a story to review-vomit all over. :P Remember to check out the Review Marathon, link in my profile blah blah blah. Keep writing! :)
| TinfoilKnight chapter 11 . 7/13/2012
"An azure blue lake was directly in front of him, surrounded by vast slate-coloured mountains decked with snow, and forests of pine trees at their base." Ooh, I like this image! It's so beautiful.
"As he neared the fence, his foot caught slightly on the top of it..." Ahaha, I love how he messes up. No ninja fence jumping for you, no sir... Hello, reality. This wouldn't happen in the movies. And, well, it's pretty funny to think about him landing on his face like that.
| TinfoilKnight chapter 10 . 7/13/2012
"Our work is for the greater good," countered his father. "I wouldn't expect you to understand, but it is for the betterment of humanity that we take advantage of whatever causes these powers. It will make us stronger." I like that he's got good intentions. It adds some reallism to his character.
""You need not know!" said his father, turning, his face blazing with fury." Does this count as a pun or foreshadowing? XD
""Oh God," said Alex, gagging on the smell of charred flesh." Oh, wow. Wow. I like that you went there. I felt like this story was a little too tame, it needed some brutality and death to spruce it up.
I just love the ending of this chapter. They win, but there's a price... That's how it should be.
| TinfoilKnight chapter 9 . 7/13/2012
The length of these scenes bothers me a little - they're very short, and it makes it hard to concentrate on the story. It's like every scene change interrupts my train of thought.
""We're in trouble now," said Lana, although with less child-friendly language than that. Josh nodded grimly." I love this, it made me laugh. :)
| TinfoilKnight chapter 8 . 7/13/2012
"He cried out in pain, unable to believe what he was feeling." I want more out of this sentence. "unable to believe what he was feeling" doesn't really tell me how he's feeling. Where did he hit the wall, even? Did he feel anything crack? Hear anything crack? What sound did it make when he hit the wall? Make us feel it.
Poor Dan. Actually, I did enjoy Dan's POV. I liked seeing him break down and let them torture the information out of him. Most main characters are resistant of torture to the point of improbability. Dan's more human than that, and I like it.
| TinfoilKnight chapter 7 . 7/13/2012
owmybrain. Speed reviewing mode engaged.
I'm glad there was a casualty! :) I was so scared last chapter that they were all just going to teleport out of there, lah-di-dah, no fight, no mess. Crisis averted! Action scenes are best served a little bloody and messy, I think.
I also like that Jared left and saved himself. It seems true to his character - wouldn't be realistic to have him go all Superman. :P
I really like that fight scene, just in general. It's... epic, I guess.
"Everything's open to change, so just tell me by way of review if there was something that stood out as unrealistic." Nope, we're good.
| TinfoilKnight chapter 6 . 7/13/2012
Fourty reviews? Are you freaking kidding me? I'm twenty points behind.
Oops, that last review was me. My account does that sometimes.
""I must be insane," he muttered to himself." I wouldn't reccomend doing this, ha. If your character's doing something unrealistic, the last thing you want to do is point out how unrealistic it is - it doesn't fix it, it just draws attention to it. D:
"Inside the cell was a boy of about fifteen." ...who looks like...?
"He bowed his head in thanks, and Alex could tell he was serious." How could he tell?
"Alex couldn't believe how well it was going. They were taking him right to where the prisoners were kept, and hadn't even been suspicious." Same problem as "insane" quote up above.
"...he laughed in pure joy and it warmed Alex' heart to think he had caused it." I like Alex's reaction here, it makes me like him more as a character. It's kinda sweet, really.
| Guest chapter 5 . 7/13/2012
I feel like the first scene's missing something. It's all just narrative summary, so it's rather dry. Maybe some nice description would spice it up? The study seems like an interesting place it'd be nice to have an idea of what it looks like.
Second scene's better in terms of amount of description, but the description itself is kinda vague.
"It was a little too grey for his liking..." The ground's grey, but what else? The buildings? The sky? The pidgeons? The bird shit?
"It was delicious..." In what way? What'd it taste like? (Umm, bacon and eggs, I guess. But was it salty? Greasy?)
"his usual bowl of cereal" What type of cereal?
I feel like a film director, ha. Bigger! BIGGER! More!
"Yeah," he replied, surprised. "So was I edited before birth?" Ooh, good. This tells me something cool is going to happen. Yay, weird plot development!
| TinfoilKnight chapter 4 . 7/13/2012
"Josh got off the train at London Marylebone..." I'm sorry, good sir, but this paragraph is massive. D: I don't like it, it hurts my eyes and it's scary... I'd prefer it broken down into two, maybe even three smaller ones.
""Please answer," she begged, as the phone dialled." Dialed? Unless you spell it with two L's over there, in which case just ignore my naive American brain.
Well, I'm not a fan of dream sequences... And yeah, I'm going to complain even though you already apologized for it. D: Sorry. I don't like this dream sequence because I feel like dream sequences are way overused. They're a waste of time, I think - they use up hundreds of words and do nothing to advance the plot. This one doesn't really tell me much, it's just kind of there. Did you put it there because you didn't feel like the chapter was exciting enough without it? I thought you could've just left out the dream without suffering any real loss to the chapter.
| GMGM chapter 12 . 7/13/2012
I'm reading :) Anyway, a good chapter, even if there is a typo in the very first paragraph :P
| TinfoilKnight chapter 3 . 7/13/2012
Mrmph. How am I fifteen reviews behind?
"...seeing his father sat down at the kitchen table. He wasn't a tall man, but was powerfully built, with short dark grey hair, and he seemed to exude authority. He wasn't to be messed with." I like this descritpion, just from this sentence I can tell so much about his father
I feel like you've got a little too much explanation with your dialogue in this chapter...
Some of it's in adverbs, like this: "I told you, I'm absolutely fine," he replied exasperatedly.
Some of it's in participial phrases: "You know, I am a little traumatised by it all," he said, faking sadness
But both accomplish the same thing; they explain what emotion the character's feeling while they speak the line of dialogue. And most of the time, it isn't all that necessary. If somebody sent you a text saying "I told you, I'm absolutely fine." you'd know they were exasperated, wouldn't you? The word "absolutely" kind of implies it. Readers can usually figure out how the characters are feeling without you telling them. The explanation just slows down the pace of the story, and can be almost a little patronizing 'cause it implies that you think they're too stupid to figure stuff out on their own. :P
Whoops, that took me a long time to type.