|Reviews for Foresight|
| TinfoilKnight chapter 2 . 7/13/2012
"...and seemed a lot more exuberant than Josh felt." I think this description could be imporved - it's a good idea to show him acting exuberant instead of just outright telling us he's exuberant. It gets the same point across, but with more... pizzazz, I guess. Paints a stronger image. So you could say he's got his hands in his pockets and he's whistling to show he's happy.
Eurgh. Sorry, I've reviewed so many sories today that I think my reviews would be more coherent if I just bashed my head against my keyboard a couple times and left it at that. Since I'm probably reviewing ten more chapters after this, thought I'd just give you a heads-up...
I like the dialogue in this scene, it helps characterize Josh and Dan.
| TinfoilKnight chapter 1 . 7/13/2012
Hello from the Review Marathon, details and link in my profile, etc.
I like this first chapter. It makes me anxious to find out more - why Jared's doing what he's doing, who taught him all these James Bond style moves, stuff like that. I liked the action scene, it was well written and flowed nicely.
"Then he felt the sting of a needle in his arm, and before he could do anything, drowsiness overcame him and it all went black." I like this cliffie, it make me want to read more.
| Jenny chapter 9 . 4/28/2012
Really like this chapter. Enjoyed seeing things from Alex's then Josh's point of view. Part of me wants there to be a twist and Josh to turn out as a bad guy or to be forced by Caine's to act on their behalf.
But really good, well done! Watch for over use of the word 'random'.
| James-27 chapter 1 . 4/23/2012
Thoroughly enjoyed that. Good read
| Ram Attra chapter 1 . 4/23/2012
I love this story the characters the deatail the stroy line and the title of the story!
man if i was a publisher this would have been on the shelfs a long time ago.
and i have a litle bit of luck here since someone is so amazing can you reveiw my story and possibly give some feed back for improvement or good thing in the story :)
Mate but this story has nothing wrong with and you shall cary on!
Oh the comment at the bottom is a bit worrying
| zemkay chapter 1 . 4/16/2012
I like it especially the part where Alex looks on the list and sees Josh granger. Nice One with Chris as well. I think Alex and Josh should meet some rime soon as well but keep on writing because I've caught up with you
(from Zoe your nice sister)
| Ric Pike chapter 1 . 4/16/2012
We're off to a very entertaining start, following a mysterious high-risk smooth operator. It's quite easy to follow, even though we know nothing about the protagonist, his intentions or his obstacles.
You don't need to forewarn us about the change in perspective, since we have no idea who "he" is, or how he fits into the story yet.
I normally don't correct spelling errors, but this one I couldn't resist. After the protagonist has injected himself with the mysterious substance and is making his escape, it is said that he was "lumping over the banister." Lumping. In my mind this is half-leaping, half-jumping, all-hilarious.
| BenGladman chapter 1 . 3/27/2012
Good stuff Matt, although the whole running Dan over thing could have been a lot more graphic :D
| jayci chapter 2 . 3/25/2012
"Daddy issues", much? Not that in this case, it's a bad thing.
Definitely interested in how your two characters will be related (I personally love it when characters' stories are run parallel with each other until they have to meet). Is Josh a test subject?
Just a minor criticism: it'd be nice to have some form of separation between the two different characters, just so it's easier to differentiate as a reader.
Keep up the creative writing! It's hard finding something different from all the other fluff.