Reviews for Dragonheart
839538 chapter 19 . 9/16/2012
A few small mistakes in the grammar - it's deteriorated a bit since the beginning of the narrative, some missing words, but I'm enjoying the story.
839538 chapter 6 . 9/16/2012
Very good writing, interestingly developed plot, good descriptions and characters.
Really like it, can't wait for more :)
Anihyr Moonstar chapter 2 . 9/16/2012
[Ciel poked his head from a hole in the ceiling and surveyed the room he was in. It was empty but the room was quite lavish with expensive furniture and trinkets, some originating quite far and quite expensive.] You might want to watch how often you make use of "dead" verbs (also known as "being" verbs, including: am/are/is/was/were/be/being/been), because these are linking verbs but do not actually denote any action, and can really bog down the prose if used in excess. Try, when you can, to eliminate them and arrange the sentence so that you're using more active verbs.

Just to give you an example of what I mean, instead of saying "...and surveyed the room he *was* in..." you might say "...and surveyed the room in front of him..." or "around him" or "before him" or "about him" or simply "and surveyed his surroundings."

Instead of: "It was empty but the room was quite lavish with expensive furniture and trinkets, some originating quite far and quite expensive." You might say, "Though empty of people, expensive furniture and trinkets - some of them originating from distant lands - lavishly decorated the room." (That example is a little awkward, but you catch my drift.)

["Briar, put that back." Ciel told one of the children.] You make this mistake a couple times. Whenever you have a dialogue tag (he/she said/told/exclaimed/complained, etc.) the last word of the dialogue before the closing quotation should be followed by a comma, not a period because the dialogue tag (in this case "Ciel told") is part of the same sentence.

[We owe you." Said Ciel.] This ought to be: "We owe you," said Ciel. (When the "said" part of the dialogue tag is first, as opposed to the name, it should be lower case, since, again, it's not a new sentence.

I like the name "Rastor", but "Fyre" (an obvious sound-alike for "fire") is very cliche.

["Indeed, you do." Fyre replied lazily] You're missing a period after "lazily".

- Moonstar, Courtesy of the Review Game's Review Marathon - link in my profile
Anihyr Moonstar chapter 1 . 9/16/2012
Nice opening. I like how you take a fairly cliche idea - a world composed of elves, dwarves, and humans - but spin your own creation myth out of it. It was both well-laid out, but also "traditional" in the sense that it read a lot like such a myth is expected to. A good combination of the new and the familiar, if you will.

[When I was a child I heard many kinds of stories, tales of valor, tales of treason, but this one was my favorite. It was told to me by an old woman, wrinkled with age who told me many of stories as long as I could remember.] If you're only going to have two types of "tales" in that list, you should combine them with an "and" not a comma - as it is, I expected to see at least one more type listed and felt off-balance when there wasn't. I'm not positive that it's grammatically incorrect, but it feels like it is.

- Moonstar, Courtesy of the Review Game's Review Marathon - link in my profile
sharkprose chapter 1 . 9/16/2012
I always loved the movie, DRAGONHEART (though, no worries, this is different). Sounds great - high fantasy :) Would love feedback on my story UNDERTOW
Riddick Writer chapter 1 . 8/23/2012
Have to say this right off the bat... great star! Most fantasy fics don't explain things very clearly and you just explained how all your races came to be. Or at least what you main character beleives! Good start!
Guest chapter 17 . 8/20/2012
This chapter is a repeat.
Amadeus Augustine chapter 4 . 5/9/2012
I am reading through this story, and just wanted to quickly say that this is a nice chapter. Very interesting and stylistically awesome. I will write a full review once I finish.