Reviews for He Leaves
NearlyPrescient chapter 1 . 3/29/2012
I think this is a great little piece. It works with what you have, and I think it's pretty effective. I can't see any additions that wouldn't overburden it with trying to explain, etc. The nature of the speaker's relationship with John is unclear, but I think very appropriately ambiguous. If anything, maybe the imagery could be tightened up a little: the "mid air" organs don't really have an obvious explanation (to me), and so that's hard to picture or get a sense of.
SmashedIce.X chapter 1 . 3/29/2012
Whether it seems finished or not depends on how long you wanted the poem to be, I guess.

It seems finished to me, the poetic voice is going to get some bleach to get rid of the blood stains and that does give the ending a sense of finality.

I thought it was good! :)