Reviews for Squint
Aellepi chapter 1 . 4/1/2012
Wow. This looks very promising. VERY promising. Dreamer Alexy is going to get his Name in the Capitol... I wonder how "great" that name will be. Great enough that the... Um, Classery people - or is that Pragamtists? - are going to do something bad to Alexy? I hope not... Or maybe that Name will be worse than Hamlin's. But then, hmm...

Oh, well. Gonna see what happens next before I start making any serious speculations.

By the way, you are an excellent writer. Seriously. Too good. Far too good.

Ta!
Lillian Dooley chapter 1 . 4/1/2012
Alia, this is fantastic! I really REALLY like it so far! Of course, there were a few things here and there, but overall it was great. I think you've done pretty well in the sense that you've reduced the superfluously flowery language that you usually have. I mean to say, it would be superfluous for this story. If you keep it fairly simple (but not too simple. I like some of your longer descriptions), it should be great!

Although I don't know much about the story, I'm liking the premise. Post-apocalyptic, totalitarian (you may have some other technical term for it, though). Be careful that it does not get away from you. You know how easily things can become cliche. This one is different from the other ones, though, because you seem to have a better command of language. Granted, Uglies was pretty good, but I'm thinking The Hunger Games. That book was good, but the tenses were inconsistent and the words very simple.

One thing I noticed, though, was that this dragged on quite a bit. At first, it was fine, but after a bit, it was like trudging through swamp water. It was still fairly easy, but there are so many things going on underneath that sometimes you get stuck. Do you get my meaning? Of course, it probably has to do with the fact that you don't have many other chapters up, but I'm just letting you know a bit early.

I have an idea. Don't tell me about this story too much, and I'll try to see what I can figure out on my own. I think it would be very interesting to try to read one of your stories without hearing the background first.

I do hope this is your big break! It seems like you, to take on a project so monumentally huge that it scares me to even think about someone else writing it.

Just a quick note. You used languid(ly) twice fairly close together. It was just a quick blip in my mind, not a big deal, but I happened to notice it. Other than that, I found this to be excellent.

Whoops. I didn't really mean to do a rant. I meant to write only a few sentences, honest! Sorry. Well, keep up the good work, and I really want to read more.