|Reviews for Primordial Vengeance|
| Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 1 . 4/5/2012
Interesting idea, fairly good follow-through. The details are strong, especially with the white shape and the strange animal. Couple things:
1) the beginning. There's a lot of unnecessary details. How does it matter that Mars is coming out? We don't care, we just wanna get on with the story.
2) paragraphs. During times of tension, the paragraphs should be shorter, not longer. This speeds up the pace and makes it more exciting. IDK why, but a lot of people put high tension scenes in a single massive paragraph. This is the worse thing you can do; readers will skim or skip the scene altogether. I had to force myself to read through that whole thing at the end.
All in all, pretty well done.