Sounds cool so far. I like the language, not in the bad sense, story is looking good heh? Keep on going...

This chapter is really good. The description and story was really good, it'll leave you thirsty for more. In short, so far so good.

It's good. hahahah, you are a bit evil so might as well obey you. Personally, i liked both new and old. Keep it up :P

Yay :) But I still like the first Centless... but whatever... Does Kevin still like Centa? It's better that way.

This is much, much, MUCH better.

The chapter length is managable and you cut down a lot, streamlining the prose. It's a lot easier to understand and connect with.

The only problem I can see is still repetition. You're trying so hard to sneak in backstory, you'll use a couple sentences to try to drop in details where you could use just one. EG: "Our visitor hasn't answered yet and I'm starting to wonder if I'm really going to need this rifle. I have never killed anything before, and hopefully I never will. Killing hurts your reputation beyond repair around here, and I don't want to become a Vinctus. I don't want to live in a heavily guarded area where you're being watched all the time, tortured when you disobey their rules. I'd rather be dead than that." You could just say: "I hope I don't have to use the rifle on the stranger. If you kill somebody, it damages your record forever. I don't want to be a Victus and live under constant surveillance with the threat of torture for the rest of my life." Be as blunt and BREIF as possible when dropping in backstory or worldbuilding, if you beat around the bush readers will start to skim and tune out. Don't try and reinforce what you've already written. 111/2. I've probably said that before. Cheers!

But I'm impressed. Very impressed. This is so much better, Layne, nice work.

-REB

You're doing pretty well right now.

I can tell you've mainly targeted the adolescent reading group-you can do better with spicing the action story up a little. make it more exciting.

I've seen this idea pop up sometimes, but this one has managed to keep originality.