|Reviews for The Mirror|
| logan89 chapter 1 . 4/7/2012
This was a good story my friend. Your start, buildup, and ending were all good. I especially like your last sentence, and the suspense as to what in the mirror cause this series of events. I enjoyed reading this, please keep writing my friend.
| walls-have-ears chapter 1 . 4/5/2012
This is a little bit like the horror film 'Mirrors' IMO.
Oh well, it still completely freaked me out. nice job.
| Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 1 . 4/5/2012
See, your plot ideas are so strong, but somehow it ends up reading like a text book: colorless, dry, bland. There's no variation of the pace or tone of the narration. It all reads at the same pace, the same intensity, from when he's poking around in the attic to when he effing KILLS himself.
This is first person, yes? So add internal monologue. What's he thinking? How does he feel? That'll liven it up. And quit sticking in the linking verbs where you don't need him.
"Sara IS lying on the hard wood floor, knife in her chest. Blood HAS FORMED a pool beside her."
Strong verbs build strong writing.
"Sara lies across the hard wood floor, knife protruding from her chest, blood pooling out around her."
Action verbs show things happening/changing. Be verbs/linking verbs/passive voice construction show things in static, with no action/change occuring. Which is more interesting?
I know you're a good writer. Learn to vary pacing/sentence structure/internal monologe to give emotional impact.