Reviews for Society's Doll
Flame Within Ice chapter 1 . 9/8/2012
First off, I really like the images you used in this poem. They added to its tone of regret and possibly irritation (I'm not sure if that was the tone you intended, but it's the one I'm getting out of it) from the narrator at her "perfectly carved" doll's face. In the last stanza you point out that nobody's appearance is flawless and perfect, because that makes it appear lifeless, like a doll, even though society's standards seem to expect perfection and beauty.

The only thing I found confusing was the "camel's hump" on her back. I don't think you gave enough context clues for the reader to figure out whether you are talking about a literal hump or a metaphorical one. I think it's meant to be metaphorical, but I'm honestly just guessing because I can't really figure it out.
Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 8/27/2012
First off, I like the metaphor of “Societies doll” a doll that both embodies and edifies the whole of culture, and I liked how you played it up with images like “Cheeks chiseled” and “dolls house” I do think though that the use of the word mirror was a bit overdone. I felt like every few lines the word came up and toward the end it felt forced.

“Chiselled” should be Chiseled, only one ‘L’

“clouded with precognition” did you really mean precognition? It doesn’t seem to fit with the sentence.

“To help bear the weight of a camel’s hump on my…” I’m not sure I understand this line, it’s not an expression I’ve ever heard used, a cultural thing maybe?

I didn’t really care for the ending, the use of “not so beautiful/not without flaws” confused me. I think it should be one or the other, because if you don’t have beauty than wouldn’t it be flawed? Or vice versa? Also “Smile on the mirror’s back” as your closing felt strange to me. I understand it as an image, and I like it but I don’t think it was the best way to end the piece. I think that would be a good way to lead into the last five stanzas i.e. “A smile on the mirror’s back, I look away and the glistening quickly fades” just a thought.

Juliet.
Drops of Dew chapter 1 . 6/18/2012
Heh. I find this to be an intriguing and incredibly symbolic poem. I personally can relate to the topic, which make this that much easier to understand and interpret.

[Staring back at me with glazed eyes and a blank face]

I find that your choice of wording in the first stanza to be almost ominous and chilling, as if the revelation terrifies the narrator. I often find this comparison to be a representation of an undesirable persona that we try to hide or fake. It adds to the horror of the realization. In total, this is very eloquent and moving.

[To help bear the weight of a camel's hump on my back]

Admittedly, this line is not one of my favorites. The imagery is not exactly pleasant, and the contrast to the previous lines in the stanza really ruins the effected gained before. Also, I do not feel that this metaphor works so well.

{With pink full cheeks]

I feel that "full pink cheeks" may work better here. Then again, it is merely a matter of preference.

As for stanza two, I absolutely love this one. The wording is very well done yet simplistic and emotional all at once. The various bits of symbolism with the web and the artist are marvelous along with the reference to common superstitions.

[Which showed my face painted by an artist's brush]

Simply beautiful.

Stanza three makes an incredible conclusion to the poem with the scorn and bitterness evident in the narrator's voice. The doll comparison is but another metaphor that many can relate to and gets the message across pretty well.

[because it was all lies/my face was not so beautiul, so blank, without flaws]

The use of "was" here irks me. I feel that the narrator still feels that way even now, so I think "is" would work better. For me, using "was" implies that the narrator no longer believes so.

Overall, this poem is an excellent one, with the drive of ominous emotions and eloquent imagery. Lovely work.

- Murphy
DutchAver chapter 1 . 5/24/2012
I think I'm just going to review your poems first, if you don't mind :)

Another depressing poem. Do you write happy ones too, like my Sunshine? :( I'm sure you're a lot more than just an empty shell, full of the values society has imprinted upon you - because that's kind of how I interpret this poem. It's a strong one, though the first two verses might've been a little clearer. (Then again, this is poetry, so what am I whining about?) The last verse definitely cleared up the whole meaning of the poem and made me understand it.

I still prefer Happy Birthday, but this poem isn't too bad either :) Keep writing!
Who Is This Girl Anyway chapter 1 . 5/18/2012
You have some wonderful abstract imagery in this poem, and the use of old superstitions about bad luck was a lovely touch, as was the link between a spider's web and a mirror, which is a brilliant way to imply that the speaker feels trapped by social expectations. I also liked the symbolism of the doll's house and of a doll to represent the feeling of artificial beauty.

The only real criticism I have of this is that it drags slightly at certain points. For example, "without flaws nor without life" might sounds slightly better if replaced with "so flawless", which would add to the repetition of "so" in that line and help it stand out since that's such a significant line to the poem. That's the only real suggestion I can give. Other than that I liked this piece and I thought it was a nice way to convey the idea of how important beauty is considered to be.

Katie.
Anna Rosa chapter 1 . 5/12/2012
Very professional. Clean, concise, you take the literal out and inject the abstract, and that, I find enjoyable. I really have no criticisms to offer for poetry; I don't understand how anybody could, because all poetry is born of artistic license and is entirely central and personal to the author.

I enjoyed reading it, it left an impression on me and I'd recommend you to anyone who asked for good poetry.

All the best,

-Anna
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 1 . 4/8/2012
Ooh. I really like the idea behind this. Especially the lines "With pink full cheeks chiselled right down/To help bear the weight of a camel's hump on by back".

But you put "by" instead of "my". And I thought where you said "becomes clouded with precognition", "clouds with precognition" might work better? To get rid of the passive voice/linking verb and all.

But I like this. Really. I said that already...

-REB