love this story the characters the deatail the stroy line and the title of the story!man if i was a publisher this would have been on the shelfs a long time i have a litle bit of luck here since someone is so amazing can you reveiw my story and possibly give some feed back for improvement or good thing in the story :)

Mate but this story has nothing wrong with and you shall cary on! Man you have wrote allot!

Ypu have some really large paragraphs ? Spacing maybe.

Review some of my work ?