|Reviews for パラレル出会い Parallel Encounter 1: An Impossible Encounter|
| 360pages chapter 2 . 12/21/2014
The start of the chapter felt too flowery in terms of prose, it matches the scene well, but I feel it could have been toned down. The next but I'm not sure on. So far this is in third person, most say you do not need internal dialog for third person and narration can cover it. However I don't see a problem with it, just be careful for using both to get character s thoughts across. It might come off as redundant
Also, sorry for not reviewing for your story week, I was busy and that's no excuse.
| DevilPogoStick chapter 4 . 12/21/2014
Back to this story.
I'm impressed to see one Hell of a murder where that Nariaki counterpart bit the dust. While murder is...Still murder, it makes me wonder why this person is even killing people...All but that unspoken rule...
...That rule has to be pretty damn binding not to break.
Meanwhile, our Nariaki...Yeah, what happened to him? Save his ass, Kazuki!
Keep up the good work!
| Darth Zannacross chapter 11 . 12/20/2014
Well, things are heating up indeed, like Daimon's ambitions for one. The action and drama was quite strong this time, Iseki knows how to pull off the killer moves all right. So, guess we will see what will come from all the twists and turns.
| Darth Zannacross chapter 10 . 12/20/2014
Nakai, you really are coming off rather pitiful at times, that reckless nature is getting rather costly. Hope he realizes how much the others are acting to keep him from being dead as a doorknob. Well, we will see if things come together or if this is just the start of a downhill turn.
| Starart152 chapter 3 . 12/20/2014
This is another good chapter that ended with a twist. He died in another world and I'm sure he'll look about it.
The type of death is worrisome. Murdered by a knife isn't something call natural, but the indication that the death called unnatural might be something else is going on than someone killing someone else.
| cmaej chapter 13 . 12/19/2014
"I just hope none of them are dead... It'll be troubling if I am stuck with doing up reports all night instead of hanging out with chicks..."
Really? Not "I hope they are not dead because they are our comrades?" Well, I know Team Rocket were actually a bunch of douchebags, but they didn't know, yet.
Dat ending, though.
I imagine a serene scene with dim lights and Nariaki resting peacefully in the hospital bed, with a vase full of flowers next to him, birds chirping outside the window, a warm ray of gentle sunshine seeping though the curtains...
Imagine a nurse casually coming by to check on him...
Nurse: Da fuq?
| cmaej chapter 12 . 12/19/2014
Oh, my. Nariaki can't catch a break. First, he was bait, then Phatty spilled his green tea, then gets beat up by someone only days old. lol
"Your fats are ruining my blade..."
The angst in that ending, though. I honestly think the Aincrex are not monsters, but are victims on their own existence. Aincrex Minami's regret seems to be proof of it.
| Darth Zannacross chapter 9 . 12/19/2014
Good greif, talk about a identity crises, will the real slim Mianmi please step up? This is starting to remind me of that one Bleach arc with the clones or the Infinity Crises event in the DC verse with the various realities. I liked the fights in this chapter once more, the clash between the doppelgangers and the " originals" Are reaching a deadly direction, we will see how deadly though. I like learning more about what makes theses clones be, who they are I guess, and, I would rather like to see Daimon get his head on a platter, guess we will see.
| Darth Zannacross chapter 8 . 12/19/2014
Oy vy, so many realities, its like a puzzle to figure it all out. Well, at least we got a better idea about Minami, kind of, as long as its the one I am still thinking about. Well, nice action, the pieces are slowly coming together, as long as we don't get a even bigger puzzle.
| Daniel Kozaki chapter 1 . 12/19/2014
Parallel worlds... Awesome idea that I've been thinking over for years now, but never had the courage to write. :)
'Students disregarded the school rules as they ran in the corridors, crying for help while 'beings' who bore similar looks chased after them.' - I think this paragraph feels a little bit vague-y. Maybe it's the phrase ['beings' who bore similar looks]. I know you meant similar to the students, but it can be reworded to make it sound less confusing, like what it did to me for a few seconds.
'Pomm'? What kind of sfx is that?
Overall, a good start, even if it's a tiny bit confusing, some of the flow is slightly stilted. Slightly. Some of the details are too scant for the reader to appreciate the scenes, and when they are not, quite some of the details are a little bit hard to take in, maybe because it's more info-oriented than visual-oriented. What Eleven and Booms said. But other than that, you're a capable writer who has great ideas. From this chapter, I can say without doubts that this is one story that looks promising.
| cmaej chapter 11 . 12/18/2014
That first paragraph felt like a narrator from some sort of TV show. lol
Why did Richard assume Orion and Raphael were arguing? That's a bit odd.
The "purest source"? Really? Is Richard that naive?
"The energy could be extracted from Kaios's remains, Kaisonite, allowed everyone to have far more powerful weapons than anyone had previously thought possible."
And this is supposed to be a blessing? More ways for people to kill each other? More resources to fight over? More paranoia? lol
Wow. The Zilos are more scandalous than the Kennedy's. XD
Steiner and Raphael act like school-aged bullies. The characters exist simply put there to pick on Richard so the reader can sympathize with him. In other words, they're flat as hell.
"As Richard sees this sliver handled red jeweled sword hover to him, he looks at it in looks at his father and says..."
This sentence is extremely redundant. I already know he is staring at the sword, but it’s mentioned again. The reader can also assume that he turns his gaze to his father once he starts speaking to him.
“I know I am not in the same league as Orion yet, but I have what it takes to be just as cool as him and all the others.”
Seriously, I think Richard is being a Magna Centurian just to stroke is own damn ego. That sentence screams inferiority complex.
What would his decision be?
RUN HIS DRUNK ASS OVER!
Or stop, fight, and get murda'd. -w-
20 minutes cycling!? Wow, why on earth did they set up the ambush so far away from Nariaki's home? lol
It's been a long time since I last read, and I totally forgot how Minami's parents died. So when this sentence popped up:
"To eliminate all self-centered cyclist who put others in danger."
I was so confused. Then I thought I was being trolled. When I finally remembered, I couldn’t help but laugh to myself. She was really taking this to the extreme. I guess that’s how Aincrex behave. -w-;
Can a Descrant kill another denscrant? The delinquent gang turning on Ikea and Naraiki took me by surprise. I just thought they were gonna be swindled out of money. Let’s see if they get out of this one.
| Darth Zannacross chapter 7 . 12/17/2014
Flashback eh? Well, it works, nice to see what shaped Minami in to what she is today. Well, slower chapter then I expected but, going through the various realities can be, jarring but, it leaves for some interesting takes, as long as I remember what reality is which lol.
| Starart152 chapter 2 . 12/17/2014
This is a good and well written chapter. I like how the situation evolve. The source of the vision was explained. Kasuki from another world died by a car and only Nariaki is aware of it.
He's also go to another world to develop his power.
I was expecting some hesitation and resilience about going into a parallel world, but it wasn't that much the case because of his objective.
| Darth Zannacross chapter 6 . 12/16/2014
Nariaki, getting more and more reckless eh? This loose cannon might become quite the mess if he does not cool it. Lets see, Keitarou's way of showing affection is unorthodox to say the least but, at least it does seem to be in the right place. Well, seems like things are about to get intense, we will see, we have more incite in to your world, I find Minnami getting more interesting, she has quite the burden on her shoulders you could say. Her true nature might be to deadly to be around though. Well, a bit confusion with all the time hoping but I think I got the gist of it, nice job.
| Darth Zannacross chapter 5 . 12/16/2014
Ah right, I knew I had started reading this at some point, time to resume. Well, did not expect rapping to be a part of this story, fits better then Killer B did in Naruto though lol. Well, we learned they have many ways to die today, interesting. Naraki is getting more driven, we will see where that passion goes. I liked the fights in this chapter, and the world is expanding as well.
Keep it up, things are getting exciting.