|Reviews for Pretend|
| rust phoenix chapter 1 . 6/19/2012
The emotion in this poem comes through very strongly. The only issue I have with the piece is that the rhyme scheme sometimes seems a bit forced. But the overall idea is very well conveyed.
| TheresaHart chapter 1 . 4/12/2012
Hi! As someone who was basically tortured through middle and high schools with gossip, I truly feel your pain here.
As for the mechanics of the poem structure, let me say that I like your instinct for line breaks, like this one:
"The moment I try / To smile it's gone in a flash"
Very nice pause there!
That said, I feel as though the language you use in this poem is rather...passive. Try for more active verbs rather than forms of "to be", "to see", "to pretend" (Though that repetition was nice!)-it'll make your poem that much more vibrant. I'd also find an image that represents your thoughts about this topic to center your words around. Was there a dress they made fun of for you, slashing to pieces like Cinderella's stepsisters did, so you had to show up for the ball in rags? For me, it's a book they burned to pieces, until I couldn't read a single word because my eyes were trying to put out the flames with tears. (Eh, it's artsy, but it's poetry.)
Anyway, thanks for sharing this! I hope I helped.