|Reviews for An Extraordinary Summer|
| dream-beautiful chapter 1 . 6/25/2012
Hey, this sounds pretty good so far. I like stories about summer and all, idk, lol, maybe cause I'm on vacation. I can only advise you to add some more description, as so far it's mostly dialogue. Describe the characters, their tone of voices, their surroundings, that kind of thing I guess. If you already have so much of it written, I don't see why you shouldn't go ahead and continue on with it! Normally though, if I have prewritten material, I like to wait a certain amount of time in between posting chapters, that way people are more likely to review one chapter and you have more time to change things if you end up deciding you want to. It also keeps the reader nice and waiting haha :)
| Victoria Best chapter 1 . 4/21/2012
I really like this! I love how it draws on basic high school experiences that we can all relate to, for example crushes and strand with family members. I really enjoyed this!
This is a great first chapter, which introduces the characters as well as providing a great hook to draw readers into reading the second chapter, for example the subtle mention that the woods could be dangerous. Having a nightmare at the beginning of the chapter was a great way to start. It really draws your readers in and it's great to read about action straight away.
The main character is quite interesting, and I like her positive outlook on life and her personality. She seems quite laid-back and relaxed, for example she doesn't really worry about her appearance, as shown at the beginning of this chapter, and prefers to be comfortable rather than fashionable. You have created a great main character :)
In addition, some of these parts really made me laugh. What I particularly liked was the part when she was being teased by her friends, for example "You know I would do anything for you" she said in a low voice. It's something I can really relate to, so I can empathise with the main character. That happens to me all the time! I know what it's like to be teased by friends for liking someone, and I could really feel her frustration at the end of the chapter. I also laughed when she ran to the gate to see if he had arrived, and then played it cool by pretending she wasn't bothered ;) hee hee! Aww, that was adorable. I love all of your characters!
Something I would say though is that I think your description is a little lacking. You have so many characters, which I would really advise against, as it gets confusing and hard for your readers to picture. In many places in this chapter, all we are told are the characters' names, for example "And Landon's friends Jacob and Eric." This makes it hard for your readers to build up a clear and vivid picture of your characters, which makes your story difficult to follow. In addition, even with your main character you explain more about her clothes than what she actually looks like. Develop her further than just describing the colour of her hair and her eyes to really allow your readers to picture everything. What about her other facial features? What about her stature? Also, does she have any strange habits or tendencies, for example constantly humming or fiddling with her sleeves? By giving her these characteristics, she could become much more realistic and a character the reader can really empathise with, and it would also give us a glimpse into her complex mind.
I would also say that you shouldn't reveal too much too soon. When describing Landon, you describe how his parents always argue. Don't tell us this information - show us. It could just be a little comment, for example '"You know how it is with my parents." he said distantly, looking away.' If you could subtly imply his relarionship with his parents, it would make your readers start to work it out for themselves and come to their own conclusions, therefore they would be thinking rather than passively reading.
Overall, I really liked this, and I will read another chapter soon. It's a great story and I can already tell the plot is going to be amazing!
Keep writing and following your dreams! :D
- Vicky x
| natty7 chapter 1 . 4/13/2012
Please keep writting this I really enjoyed reading it and would like to see where it goes
| tweetybird10123 chapter 1 . 4/12/2012
Hey I just have to say... you have to keep writing more because its amazing! So don't stop writing... you have some talent. :D