|Reviews for All OF A Twitter Over Sneakers|
| Inebriate chapter 1 . 7/3/2013
Okay, Young Gay's Dream Come True!
The sentence, 'You are gorgeous, six foot two...', is run-on, spliced with commas, and very much the way I'd write dialogue if my writing group would be less critical.
Having mentioned commas, your choosing to end sentences with them is distracting. I haven't read anything else of yours, and I suspect now that's partly an artifact of FP's reformatting process. I'm new here & still getting used to the site.
Bo's sexual preference was made plain (or at least implied) by his 'very good taste in jeans and shirt' and his 'very sexy sneakers'. His come-on to Mitchell was rather an anti-climax (heh). One would think that aspiring-writer Mitchell would observe the clues and not make a statement such as 'I'll have missed my chance anyway, because he cannot possibly be gay, I'm not that lucky.' And how about Sage? Granted, she didn't recognize Bo from the back, but was her gaydar shut down? In the US, dudes that dress 'just so' may not be poufs, but one suspects.
There are lots of adverbs, mostly well employed, but still there are a lot.
You do a nice job of creating believable characters in this short piece. It was as fun to read as I'm sure it was to write. Next, I'd like to tackle one of your longer stories.
| P.Nutter chapter 1 . 9/4/2012
This was a really fun read! - And yes I am reading through all of your stories!
Is this one staying as a one shot?
| Terra Procycon chapter 1 . 5/15/2012
Me gusta me gusta me gusta! Plus Mitchell totally reminds me of my crazy bestie.. hehe, well written! I really liked it :)
| 6xXBladeXx9 chapter 1 . 4/15/2012
I died reading this, it was just...wow. And then..wow. It had be all giggly xD
As usual, you're fantastic! :D
Cookies for you ;)
| Gabriel Stone chapter 1 . 4/14/2012
OH MY GOD YES. That was great! I knew someone like you would make the 15 year old who dwarfs most people seem so small to another guy. Perfect.
Who doesn't love Mitchell and Sage? Great characters, I love them. If you're interested, I encourage continuation of them whenever a spark of inspiration strikes.
Loved it! 5 stars and whatnot.
| kadabrafreak890 chapter 1 . 4/14/2012
Wow, you did an insanely good job with this. I love the interactions between Sage and Mitchell, and I love Bo's words at the end.
It killed me...in a good way.
Please do make this a few oneshots...I'm excited to read more.