|Reviews for Hounds WIP|
| V Rex chapter 1 . 5/3/2012
The concept is interesting, although a bit confusing. I believe you need to use the concept of 'show don't tell' to better effect, and this will be fixed. Let the reader's knowledge of the world develop naturally with the characters. The first paragraph is huge on exposition and can be quite jarring to a reader. Same happens with a lot of paragraphs later throughout the piece. It would be better that more is left to the curiosity of the reader. Dialogue can be you friend in this regard.
The assassination also felt awkwardly placed, at the end of the chapter as an afterthought. It has the capability of suspense, but it is never fully realized as it all feels too casual. The reader cannot care about political sabotage in a world they were just introduced to, with a politician they do not know. Spend more time developing the subordinate characters and then the scene will have an impact and all the ensuing action will be better in turn.
And the final nitpick:
As Jeren attempted to locate the assassins, Max calmed down the civilians who were in the middle of a group panic attack. "Everyone, please remain calm..."
Again, awkward. After the jarring event of an assassination the chaos should be arguably more reflected. Show don't tell applies here too.
I hope these tips help!
| Deadly Raptor chapter 1 . 4/15/2012
I liked it! Despite the brevity, I can already tell that you've prepared a lot of world building (which shouldn't come as a surprise, considering Survival of the Fittest). I can't say much about the story yet, since it's only just begun, but everything else looks like it had a lot of work (and care) put into it. I feel it could a teensy bit more description (and I mean teensy), but that's my only complaint so far.