Reviews for Lunacy
Writing In Ink Forever chapter 3 . 11/21/2012
I think 3 dollars is good. Even 3.50 or 4 would be swell.

Can you make it for Nook too? That's what I have. Lol.

Thanks!
Writing In Ink Forever chapter 20 . 10/3/2012
This was such a great ride, and I can't wait for you to update My Blood Doll. :)

-coco
Apeirophobic Angel chapter 11 . 9/2/2012
I love you.

(haha ;D)
cope chapter 17 . 6/28/2012
Ok. First off, let me say that I've been a reader since the first draft of this story. That being said, I (from what I can remember of it) enjoyed the pacing of it far better than this one. If I remember correctly, this chapter was in the sequel to the original - though correct me if I'm wrong.

But this is meant for this draft specifically. So here goes; hopefully more concise than how it is in my head.

Even though this is your final draft online before publishing I would highly recommend a few more edits before then. I hobby as a YA book reviewer for publishing companies like Simon and Schuster, Harlequin, and HarperCollins, and I'm going to be completely straight with you - this isn't quite ready.

Since you originally posted this on FP your characters haven't grown at all with your writing. Kacea was, from what I can tell, written in a time where being "goth" was a popular way of dress and she was created as a poor-little-rich-girl who snarked at her family wealth. It is still a focus that doesn't need to be as front and center as it is. I don't need to know what her outfit is in ever different scene that warrants a wardrobe change. Some parts - totally needed. Most - totally not. You need to look at making Kacea more realistic. She can still have the devil-may-care attitude and be a social badass outcast, but she needs more to her. She needs to be more three dimensional.

As for other characters, well, some are better than others (like Jynxx - good character) but you also have way too many for a reader to keep track of. Now, a lot of this has to do with many characters being introduced within small fragments of time, and while some definitely serve a purpose, others could be cut out and no one would miss them. I'm not talking your main characters but a lot of the secondary ones - especially during the club scene - don't need to be there or they don't need to be elaborated on or given a name. The one thing you don't want is for your readers to stop reading just because they get confused. With a print novel it's a little easier to get away with because it's easier to simply flip back a few pages while holding their current place. You mentioned that you were probably going to self-publish which usually means e-pubs. It's not easy to try and reference yourself (as a reader) with an e-book.

Then there's the eye thing. I get it, I do - the focus in your writing on people's eye colours is to foreshadow that they're different. But you need to tone it down or else it looses its effect on the reader. You'll have a greater mystery effect if you downplay it and build a suspense from vague passing mentions. There was one chapter while at the club where I was just like "oh, another weird eye reference - that character isn't human" and it made the big reveal in the later chapter watered down.

And with the reveal - Kacea's reaction is too accepting too fast. Try and really put yourself in her shoes. Sure, you may think that if this hulking Adonis reveals that he's really a werewolf you would be accepting, but imagine what would really happen. You'd either think he's insane and should be institutionalized or you would laugh. Of course, those are just two outcomes. However, I personally cannot picture anyone just believing something like that. There would be denial, fear, and potentially thinking of insanity, all before acceptance.

By pacing the story the way that you have and by making Kacea more than agreeable with all of the sudden hoodoo you're missing out on possible chapters worth of character and plot building. Instead you have this HUGE info-dump over a very short time span. The wolf thing is a definite but all the rest could have been saved for later and added a great twist to everything. Now you're adding vampires into the bunch and it's just too much way too fast.

Ok, by now you may think that I'm picking on you, but believe me when I say that I'm not. I wouldn't be reading this story if I didn't think that you had something from the very beginning. I love your underlying concept and I think that this could be amazing - it just needs a lot more work. I would highly recommend getting a few people to edit this for you before you do your final draft and for them to be brutally honest.

I'm going to tell you from witnessing it firsthand that reviewers (whether it's on sites like Amazon, or Goodreads, or on their personal blogs) can be vicious. That doesn't mean that they're necessarily mean, but they're more than brutally honest. I have seen online threads where a self-published author asked a blogger for an honest review and then went ape-shit when it wasn't glowingly positive. If self-pub is the way you're going to go, you want something amazing that's going to get people buzzing. Word of mouth is how you're going to make any money selling your work online and if it's not absolutely fantastic both in initial blurb and how it's written you won't get the recognition that you may want.

Just remember that you have a great idea, with good characters, and you're blending everything together in a fantastic paranormal story. If you keep working on it, it could be amazing. Just slow down and cut down and you'll do well.
Writing In Ink Forever chapter 10 . 6/16/2012
I LOVED this chapter! 3

Jynxx is amazing, and I loved how he stood up for Kacea with Alain. Alain did not know what he was doing, tsk, tsk.

You have amazing names. How do you come up with all these wonderful names? Kacea, Aya. 3 There are others, but still, amazing names.

-Coco
Writing In Ink Forever chapter 2 . 6/7/2012
On my last review, I meant nook, not book. XD I blame the fix it thing on my phone.

-Ink
Writing In Ink Forever chapter 5 . 6/7/2012
I read on my eReader, and a lot of them are at either 5 or 7 $. I'm looking in to buying either a book or a kindle, because the eReader I have is a piece of sheet...

I loved this chapter, even though I have already read it. XD Jynxx is my favorite character, along with Tarren. XD Besides the main character, of course.

-Ink
Writing In Ink Forever chapter 4 . 6/2/2012
Oohh! I'm so glad your rewriting this! Ioved this story so much! 3 Jynxx is amazing.

Gavin seems like a player. Poor Kacea. I feel sorry for her.
Anonymouser chapter 2 . 6/1/2012
Alerted you and your story. Love it and love Kacea already!

Watching for more... 8
Aravis17 chapter 2 . 5/28/2012
Still loving it! The names are growing on me too. ;)
Aravis17 chapter 1 . 5/27/2012
At first the names were a bit of a turn off, but I decided to read it anyway, and I'm glad I did! Your style is wonderful. Sentence structure and grammar is perfect, and your metaphors are creative and not over-used. I loved "harpy of the morning," "insect of no import," comparing hair color to a car, and the sentence describing senior year with the imagery of "burning the veil" and biting a "bloody mouthful of flesh" out of the real world. Great action verbs too, to 'show, not tell.' You definitely know what you're doing. I'm kind of terrible: I tend to read others' stories to find mistakes and make myself feel important and better (because I see them as competition). But I didn't feel the need to do that here. I just see a great start to a good story by a writing peer. I like that your style made me feel that way. Great job!
Writing In Ink Forever chapter 1 . 4/20/2012
Oohh! I love this! Amazing, and I can't wait for more!

-Ink