|Reviews for Staircases|
| ladychelope chapter 1 . 2/24/2013
| careinn chapter 1 . 11/19/2012
love it because it's not the typical, stupidly angsty poem. its subtlety in its symbolism is refreshing. very good job.
| stuck in bed chapter 1 . 11/18/2012
Hi! I'm here to share some news! This poem has been added to the Poetry category over on A Drop of Romeo!
Here's your review:
Without doubt this poem is not easy to read, simply because it has violence as its main theme. It is so unpleasant and brutal that it takes you out of your comfort zone. But, at the same time, it’s powerful and captivating because it’s based on real events and real people. Of course, domestic abuse is undeniably a part of the world today but most people, even myself, like to shy away from the topic as it seems too horrible to actually exist. We like to pretend it doesn’t happen; that it’s not real. Who Is This Girl Anyway forces you to listen and describes to you the situation in a manner that is both brusque and blunt. The imagery she builds up is distressing and tearing and then, when the narrator finally reaches her decision, you are left to wonder if it’s the right one. Can she be justified her for actions? That’s up to you to decide.
| Velvet Vixen chapter 1 . 6/28/2012
This was an excellent poem and I thought you got across the feelings a woman might feel in that situation very well. It flowed well and though it didn't always rhyme, it still felt like it had a pattern and I thought you were able to make the woman sound both vulnerable and resilient at the same time. It's quite a blunt poem, that says what it needs to but I think it's all the better for being that way, very well done!
| Letters97 chapter 1 . 6/3/2012
that was very well written. i particularly like the way the dark themes of domestic abuse and violence in general were complemented by the format of the words themselves. also, i liked how the narrator, while in a desperate situation, wasn't using coarse language. it made the piece so much more poignant.
lastly, as much as i know that this is in vain, i hope no one, ANYwhere EVER has to go through horrors like this.
| Vul chapter 1 . 6/1/2012
I did like this, although I cannot relate to this person very well (gladly). I like the line "Always sorry" it really makes you begin to see how the person is thinking, and how often this has become to her. The rhythm or rhyme seems to cut in and out, showing the changes in the stanzas and emotions. I do really love it, keep writing.
| PotterPower chapter 1 . 5/27/2012
Wow... It's very shocking. I think it expresses what people go through honestly, especially the last bit about shooting the Hard Man. I really liked the second verse, because it flowed like a song in my head and I liked that. Your descriptive writing is very good as well; I can picture the scenes clearly in my mind. A lot of emotion in it as well, especially near the end with the bullet things. I loved the line "You'll dye the red-specked carpet scarlet", because I've never seen it said that way before. In that line, there's a lot of implication going on as well, like in the rest of the poem. As for criticism - this is just preference, really, but I prefer when poetry has a sort of pattern in it. Like the verses have a similar amount of lines, or things like that. Overall, though, it's very good. :)
| AquariusGirl230191 chapter 1 . 5/19/2012
I am reviewing this from the easy fix board.
Firstly; yes this is a touchy subject for some people but it's good that you drew attention to it. Domestic violence isn't a nice thing for anybody (male or female) and as someone who has had friends experience it and seen first hand the damage it does to people I have to say it is something I absolutely detest. Men and women should not be violent in relationships really.
Anyway; I like it because it packs a punch, has a powerful message and shows just how far someone can be pushed in this situaiton (i.e to kill somebody because of being pushed too far)
If I had to choose something to improve I'd say you don't need to capitalize "Hard Man" in the context of "you hard, hard man" though as you are reffering to the man by Hard Man in the context of a name maybe I am mistaken. I'm sorry grammar isn't my strong point.
Anyway, well done.
| The Autumn Queen chapter 1 . 5/18/2012
This is brilliant. One of the best poems I've ever seen. I love the mantra you've built up, somehow keeping it personal and flowing in a jerky rhythm that suits the topics you're skimming upon. And the way you've built it up too.
"How many more bones are you hoping to break?
Fine, don't answer me Hard Man." - I think there should be a more monumental break there than a simple question mark, to emphasise the brief silence before the "fine" as one would expect to occur. She's not going to immediately ask a question and then give up on answers, even if she's asked them numerous times before. It's not the same pause as between consecutive questions.
"And see the gun In my hand-" - is there a particular reason the "In" is in capital?
"You'll dye the red-specked carpet scarlet." - scarlet somewhat breaks up the rhythm you had going. Perhaps use another word before specked, like blood for example - I think monosylabbus - and red instead of scarlet. "Scarlet" with its two syllables drags a tad.
| EightxLivesxLeft chapter 1 . 5/18/2012
Wow, that's very intense but I love the style of it. You're rhythm is excellent and I really liked the repetition of 'hard man'. I'm curious that you didn't name the poem 'hard man' actually. Overall, I thought that it was really fantastic! There were some mistakes with punctuation towards the end, I believe but really I just thought that it was really well done :)
| XXXSyxAdeleXXX chapter 1 . 5/13/2012
I really liked your structure. It added swift rhythm and really made the reading easier and more fluent.I also liked your repetition of 'Hard man' It kept the theme current throughout and made the poem more memorable. however as for this review to be counted it needs a dislike I must say the poem would be more enjoyable if the stanza's were equal in length it would add a more flowing rhythm.
| Aistaraina chapter 1 . 4/30/2012
I like the second half of the poem more than the first half because it seems to flow better. This poem made me think of the song, Gunpowder and Lead by Miranda Lambert.
I like how you were able to make the rhyming work for the poem. The rhyming didn't overtake the poem. Sometimes I think people get too caught up in trying to rhyme everything that you lose the meaning of the poem.
| Spike's inner monster chapter 1 . 4/28/2012
This is so interesting, beacuse... I got nothing..
Wish I could say more, but I cant think of anything, sweetie (did I seriously just say that).
| Drops of Dew chapter 1 . 4/28/2012
Well, personally, I enjoyed it - the choice of words leads to a rather interesting form of imagery and expression of emotion.
- "You'll dye the red-speckled carpet scarlet."
I love this line - it is so eloquent yet bluntly stated for me.
In itself, the poem is very meaningful and I can detect the evident undertone of scorn and dislike in the speaker's words. I feel that the thoughts and violence augment to the negativity.
How, I do find that in some places, your wording is a little strange - which sometimes threw me off.
- "You hard, Hard Man."
I didn't really understand that line at first but now, I think that I do.
In your third stanza, I find lines 5 and 6 to be a little long - perhaps breaking them up would be better.
- "And then, when you come stumbling in..."
That could work as its own line.
Of course, that is really up to you and is a matter of preference.
In my opinion, this is a job done well - so do keep up the good work.