|Reviews for The Curse|
| Thinwrist chapter 1 . 5/8/2013
Very interesting. I like the whole plot idea, and this story seems like it could take off with just a little easing.
Hm..Now, there are hardly any spelling issues, which is great, grammer is a functional foundation of making this happen.
I understand this is a prolouge, so it doesn't tend to be long. You could do to rewrite this sentence however:
Ex: My name is Fay Hill (in human terms or Rei Kitsune (in demons terms). I amm three thousand years old (or sixteen for all you stupid humans).
I think, that sentence could use some excellent improvement!
How about isntead of that, this:
I have different names, because, I'm a different thing. I'm not exactly human, but I'm not exactly a demon either. Humans would know me as Fay Hill. Demons would call me Rei Kitsune. Either way, I'm a three thousand year old hanyou. To humans, that's impossibly old. To demons, I'm still just a sixteen year old teenager.
See? That adds more emphasis and it slids the sotry on easier. I don't know, don't let me direct the story exactly for you. But, continue on!
I guess I'll brainstorm on some ideas to help you with the next chapter now.
| Onearmwonder21 chapter 1 . 4/25/2012
What a great way to begin a story,
"Welcome to Hell you're new home"-brilliant.