|Reviews for The Trio|
| Neverland.dream chapter 6 . 4/15
Hey hey! Since I'm back at Fictionpress, I started reading stories here again. :)
I still love your story. Word of advice though, you don't have to explain everything-just those which you find extremely relevant for the readers. Try to ignore that nagging feeling to explain some things which aren't as important. (don't worry, i have it too)
Oh and try to distinguish the characters more. Give Charlie, Peyton, and Spencer each a strong distinctive personality or even their pet peeve. I get confused sometimes. hihi. sorry for that.
Aside from that. I REALLY love love love the concept. So please update SOON! :))
| Wallflower.x chapter 3 . 7/19/2013
Once again, I really am liking these chapters :)
| Wallflower.x chapter 2 . 7/19/2013
I love your description! and I really like Peyton a lot already
| Wallflower.x chapter 1 . 7/19/2013
I really like this already :)
| Atreyu Legend chapter 2 . 7/8/2013
First things first, you painted a very vivid picture in my head of Peyton, she's a not so ordinary girl in an ordinary world. I liked that her car was realistic for a high schooler, unlike Spencer's Macerate, it also helped to give me a background and history behind her. I like that your events are matching up as well, and that you're not clumping together random things that don't coincide in a timeline, this is critical in a multi-POV story.
There were a few parts where I had to scratch my head and go huh? Like I had to read twice, but I think that was the lack of commas and a few missed words. I do it all the time myself, I start typing really fast and completely forget a word.
I look forward to reading more!
| Oh Please Girl chapter 4 . 10/8/2012
I like it! :) I would make sure that whenever you are writing a new quote, you start a new paragraph. Like, "Brodie what happened to your finger?" You should start a new paragraph and indent and THEN put "Basketball..." etc.
| Oh Please Girl chapter 1 . 5/6/2012
This is a really good start of a story! I can't wait to find out what else happens. I do agree with another reviewer that you should use more commas, so it's not just sentence after sentence, and I also agree that I like how we know about the characters without having to read a lot. It's really good so far! Can't wait to find out what happens later! :)
| Atreyu Legend chapter 1 . 4/27/2012
While I do agree with the other reviewer that I like your idea to use multiple POVs. I also have to say that this first chapter felt like a step by step process with every line.
For example you would form a sentence like this,
"After taking a shower she dried her hair and got into her outfit for the day. She walked to her car wearing high knee boots, skinny leg jeans, and..." you go on.
You want to avoid this kind of writing because it feels like your checking off a to do list for the character and to readers that can be tiresome.
Now what I did like was that you gave us some excellent back story of your characters without drilling us with too much information, I feel like I know your characters now without having to read an overbearing amount of text.
Excellent job, your definitely on my alert and Favorited list! I will be back to read more in the morning!
| Neverland.dream chapter 3 . 4/26/2012
Hey! It's me. :)
Anyway, I LOVE the concept of the story-you know the three characters thing..
I would have love it even more if you write it on a first person's point of view, just indicate whoever is speaking.. Though it's already nice as it is. :)
Oh, and I do would love if it has more dialogues. :)
By the way, Charlie is my fave character, but I love Spencer's style of clothing even more (personally), and I love Peyton's name the best. hahahahha! :)
Boy, this sure is the longest review I've ever written. :)
Anyhow, I LOVE it! You should update some more. :)