|Reviews for Chosen|
| Snowsheba chapter 1 . 4/27/2012
The story, overall, is very nice.
However, I am not impressed with the writing style. Everything is rushed, and the lack of emotion, depth and feeling in the story makes it dry and distant; I can't imagine who Desdemona is, and I can't relate to her at all. Consider writing more into the character; her thoughts and emotions, her feelings when she transitioned from thinking vampires were bad to vampires are better than humans, et cetera.
I am also unimpressed by the fact you did not write about Desdemona being bitten. That is a significant part in any vampire story; how did it feel, what was she thinking, et cetera. The way you just brushed it away didn't help.
On a lighter note, I find your word choice amazing. Very well done. Most of the text is very good, but you need to add more to make the entire content seem better. It's obvious you have researched about what clothes and behavior of the eighteenth century, which is very nice. My interest is piqued; I'll be keeping an eye out. Happy writing! Snowsheba