|Reviews for Alasdair: Sunset Festivities: March 2014|
| trilby94 chapter 1 . 5/6/2012
Helloo :) So first of all, I like your writing style a lot - it's very descriptive and your characters come acrss easily and naturally. I especially liked: "The pale sky was stained with rose and nectarine colors as the sun started to stoop beneath the horizon." I thought that was beautiful :) Occasionally I wasn't sure about the words you used to describe the characters movements but it might have just been me! For example: "he trotted up beside her" and "he squealed as he accepted it"; they somehow don't seem very 'manly' for want of a better word xD I liked the interactions between Alasdair and Riley, especially in the ferris wheel, I thought you did a really good job with the dialogue.
SO yes, good job! I like your writing a lot :)
| 1819 chapter 1 . 5/5/2012
The opening of the story made me want to read on for two reasons, one, I'm a sucker for love stories, and two, I love Farris wheels. I think that if any romance lover started reading this they would have to continue because of the cute feel good scenery and classic date mood.
However towards the middle I started to loose interest in Alasdair and Riley’s date. I think that he was not half as flirtatious as she was, making me sad, and he wouldn’t stay with her even though she begged. I know he wanted to meet his brother/family but I found the relationship of the two love birds unbelievable because of this. I did like the relationship that he had with his brother; I found that to be realistic because of the warmth of their conversation.
I thought that the story was a perfect length. I hate when things drag out and this was very enjoyable and got to the point that he was with the girl but had to run off to see his brother. You executed what you wanted without boring the reader.
I think that the dialogue fit the age group of the story. I assume they are teenagers, plus from Ireland so I could also picture the accent. I had never heard the use of meander in the way it was here and I got very confused. This is not a huge deal but I didn’t know what it meant, but maybe I just don’t have a wide vocabulary.
The ending was good, made me wonder about how Alasdair hurt his brother. I also loved the description of the silhouettes on the dark blue sky.
Last comment, why would the brothers get ice cream before dinner? Hahhha
| Celtic Predator chapter 1 . 5/5/2012
Very interesting story. I especially liked the flirting.
| mingsquared chapter 1 . 5/4/2012
The imagery in the story is very good. The descriptions are subtle, but well...descriptive (lol). I enjoyed the dialogue as well, the flirting was excellently done! :D
On a side note, I read your character profiles (or whatever those are called) on your profile and the characters are very interesting. Are you planning to keep writing single chapter stories, or are you planning to write like a novel? Just curious. Anyways, I hope to read more when I have time and see how these characters develop.